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Jun 23, 2017

Pokemon game brings out muggers, Sex on your wedding night, Deepest ocean is 6 miles deep!  Father's Day theater, $5 Quiz, Sam The Cooking Guy teaches us how to make a hot dog, Who gets custody of the dog? 

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Jun 22, 2017

BEST OF DSC WILL BEGIN ON SATURDAY!! RED SHOE DAY TODAY 630-930 WITH SARA, MIKE SLATER, CARLO, AND ASHLEY JACOBS

BEST OF CHAINSAW SPORTS

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: TRUMP-CARE BILL WILL BE UNVEILED TODAY. FED FUNDING FROM PLANNED PARENTHOOD. FBI INVESTIGATING STABBING A COP AT MI AIRPORT YESTERDAY. STORM CINDY. HOME PRICES GOING UP AGAIN IN SAN DIEGO COUNTY. GEORGE CLOONEY SOLD HIS TEQUILA CO FOR ONE BILLION DOLLARS!

JOHNNY DEPP BLEW 2/3 OF A BILLION DOLLARS, OWNS 14 HOMES/ ESTATES/ISLANDS, ART COLLECTION, JEWELRY, $2 MILL A MONTH!

SIMON COWELL IS PRODUCING A SONG TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE HIGH RISE FIRE IN LONDON.

STUPID GUY THING DAY: PRIZE – 4 PACK OF TICKETS TO SAN DIEGO ZOO

SHELLY – MEN DON'T ASK FOR DIRECTIONS

GIL – MAN BUNS

EMILY – WHEN THEY SIT ON THE COUCH WITH THEIR HAND IN THEIR PANTS

MEN DON'T SEND BIRTHDAY CARDS

DICK PICS

MAKING LAME BETS

INDIA/MICHAEL -

SIERRA – LAST NAME TATTOO

SHELLY – PUBLIC SPITTING

TRACIE - PENIS WINDMILL DANCE

****** WINNER****MICHELLE – BALL PUNCHING

******WINNER*****MICHAEL AND INDIA – MEN CHOOSING WOMEN EVEN THO THEY'RE BAT SHIT CRAZY

CATHY – PONY TAIL WHILE BALD ON TOP

BEST OF CHAINSAW SPORTS:

BOYER VS. THE TEAM

Q: SONG HISTORY – FAMOUS SONG WRITTEN AND PERFORMED BY JIM WEATHERLY FOR FARRAH FAWCETT WHO WAS WITH LEE MAJORS AT THE TIME. HOUSTON

A: TEAM - NADA

A: BOYER – MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA – CORRECT ANSWER

WINNER - LISTENER - SHERRY CHOSE BOYER. PADRE OR FAIR TICKETS

 

SHELLY'S NEWS: SHOOTER IN DC ACTED LIKE A TOURIST BEFORE SHOOTING AT CONGRESSMEN PLAYING BASEBALL. WEED DRIVING. NEWS QUIZ:

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Jun 21, 2017

TODAY LONGEST DAY OF THE YEAR, SUMMER SOLSTICE. DESIGINATED COOL ZONE IN CHRIS BOYER'S R-V. DAVE IN HIS ONSIE PAJAMA'S IN SUMMER LISTENING TO GRANKE PLAYING OUTSIDE.

PADRES AREN'T TOUGH ENOUGH TO RETALIATE

CHAINSAW SPORTS: CUBS RIZZO AND PADRES CATCHER DODGED TO HIS LEFT. BASEBALL INCIDENT AT MONDAY'S GAME.

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: BRUSSELS BELGIUM TERRRORIST ATTACK. GA ELECTION SPENT $60 MILLION FOR ONE SEAT IN CONGRESS – REPUBLICAN WON. ILLINOIS HAS NO BALANCED BUDGET - $14 BILLION IN DEBT. MASS MAIL MIX UP – COLON SCREENING SAMPLE – TURD IN A BOX.

7am $5 QUIZ STANDINGS: SHELLY LAST PLACE, CHAINSAW 4TH PLACE, BOYER 3RD PLACE, EMILY 2ND PLACE, RUTHIE 1ST PLACE ONLY 1 ½ GAMES AHEAD.

$5 QUIZ: SONGS OF SUMMER: BOYER WON!

THREE TIME OSCAR WINNER, DAN DAY LEWIS IS RETIRING FROM ACTING.

EMILY'S MOM DANCE WAS A BIG HIT TODAY!

DICK DOODLE TALK -

BIG RED SHOES GUEST CHUCK DAY, TALKING ABOUT RAISING MONEY FOR RONALD MCDONALD HOUSE ON THE STREETS OF SAN DIEGO TOMORROW AM 630-930AM WITH SARA, CARLO, SLATER AND OTHERES. COMPETITION TO SEE WHO COLLECTS THE MOST CASH!

FIVE OLD FASHIONED WORDS WE USE BECAUSE WE'RE OLD: BUMMER, AWESOME. SWEET, TOTALLY. COOL.

NEWS: BIG DISCUSSION ON GIVING SEXUAL CONSENT WHILE DRUNK, BLACKED OUT, TOO DRUNK, NOT SPEAKING, NOT SAYING YES, SAYING NO, BUT DOING IT ANYWAY. BACHELOR IN PARADISE CASE INVESTIGATED WITH CORRINNE AND DEMARIO HAVING DRUNKEN SEX IN A POOL.

$5 QUIZ STANDINGS: RUTH #1, EMILY #2, BOYER #3, CHAIN #4, SHELLY #5

Daniel day lewis retiring

You can't be a saint if you're a dick doodler

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Jun 20, 2017

CHAT ABOUT THE LAST WEEK WITH SHELLY'S ROTTEN HIP. SURGERY NEXT WEEK.

ICE = A NEW STRONGER TYPE OF METH. GUY IN AUSTRALIA GOT HIGH AND TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH A CROCODILE. DAVE'S NEW BAND IS COLON FULL OF QUICK-CRETE.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: KEITH HERNANDEZ - "GETTING HIS TITS LIT"

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: THE STUDENT DIED WHO WAS ARRESTED IN NORTH KOREA RETURNED TO US WITH BRAIN DAMAGE. ELECTION TODAY IN GA FOR CONGRESS. SPENT $60 MILLION. HEAT WAVE CONTINUES IN THE US. FLIGHTS CANCELLED IN PHOENIX DUE TO HIGH HEAT. HEAVY METAL FESTIVAL WAKKEN 4 MILE BEER LINE

$5 QUIZ: BACHELORETTE SPELLING BEE FOR THE CREW. LISTENER CHOOSES THE WINNER.

TIED FOR FIRST PLACE: BOYER – BRANDEN AND

WINNER: EMILY – JASON - HE'S GOING TO THE SD ZOO!!

OUT: CHAINSAW – LISA RUTH – BRIAN EMILY – JASON SHELLY - TODD

CORRECT WORDS: SQUIRT, PASSION, CARESS, SCHMUCK, EUPHORIC, CHAMPAGNE, BOUDOIR, FAÇADE, COITUS, STUNNING, BOUTONNIERE, POLYAMOUROUS, TIE BREAKER WORD: DIARRHEA

REDEMPTION – NO LONGER A SPELLING BEE FLUNKEE.

HOW MUCH WOULD YOU NEED IF YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR TO HAVE SOMETHING CUT OFF AND HE CUT OFF THE WRONG PART? GUY HAD A BAD BALL AND THEY TOOK OFF THE WRONG ONE. COURT GAME HIM $900,000.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

CASINO IS NOT THE SAME THING AS GODFATHER 2!!

Heavy metal beer pipeline

FAÇADE: the face of a building, especially the principal front that looks onto a street or open space.

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Jun 19, 2017

BAD FINGER COULD CRUSH A CRATE OF PERT IN A WEEK. THERE WAS SO MUCH HAIR IN THAT BAND.

NAGGING WOULD YOU RATHER FROM VICTORIA: WOULD YOU RATHER EAT ALL THE POTATO CHIPS, TATER TOTS & FRIES AND DIE AT 80 OR EAT ALL YOU WANT AND DIE AT 60.

DAVE'S FATHER'S DAY DINNER: CHARCUTERIE, FILET BITES WRAPPED IN BACON AND GRILLED CHICKEN WITH FRIES AND A SALAD AND MOLTEN CARMEL BROWNIES DRIPPED WITH VANILLA ICE CREAM.

SHELLY'S FATHER'S DAY: THE CHINESE WALL WITH MATT DAMON - CHARLIE CHAN MOVIE AND SUICIDE SQUAD. HIS GIRLS CAME OVER TO WATCH MOVIES AND BROUGHT GIFTS.

BOYER WAS GROSS TALKING ABOUT HOW SOME OF HIS DOGS PORK HIS GIRL DOG.

FLOUNDER DIED FROM ANIMAL HOUSE. DEATH CZAR SAYS NO, DAVE SAYS YES TO PURGATORY.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: US OPEN WINNER BROOKS KOEPKA. WNBA MOST POINTS SCORED

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: VAN DROVE INTO CROWD OF PEOPLE EXISTING A MOSQUE IN LONDON YESTERDAY. 60 PPL DEAD FOREST FIRE. NAVY SHIP COLLIDED WITH JAPANESE SHIP – 7 DIED, 2 FROM SAN DIEGO. TRUMP'S LAWYER SAYS HE'S NOT UNDER INVESTIGATION, DESPITE TRUMP TWEETING THAT HE IS. CAITLYN JENNER IS UNDER FIRE FOR SAYING SOME HURTFUL THINGS ABOUT LIBERALS. BEYONCE HAD TWINS LAST WEEK, ONE BOY, ONE GIRL. SCOTT PELLY QUIT AS CBS ANCHOR WITH HIS LAST SHOW ON FRIDAY. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: JEFF FOXWORTHY AT THE SD COUNTY FAIR

BOYER VS. THE TEAM: FOUR PACK OF TICKETS TO SAN DIEGO NIGHT TIME ZOO: LISTENER JESSICA WINS

Q: GO AWAY LITTLE GIRL, SOMETHING TELLS ME I'M INTO SOMETHING GOOD, SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL - A: THE TEAM: NEIL SEDAKA A: BOYER: NEIL DIAMOND JESSICA SAYS NEITHER, REAL ANSWER: CAROL KING

(((IT'S ALL SARA'S FAULT THAT LISTENER JESSICA DOESN'T KNOW IT'S 100.7 DAYS OF SUMMER)))) DAVE STEVE IS TEACHING A CLASS: LINER SUMMER SCHOOL AND SARA NEEDS TO TAKE IT.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

Referring back TO EMBARRASSING DAD'S STORIES ON FRIDAY. OUR WINNER WAS JACKING OFF AND HIS DAD WALKED IN AND THE DUDE BURST INTO TEARS. MORE STORIES: DAD STOLE PIZZA AND DRINKS FROM A TABLE WHO LEFT TO PLAY GAMES BUT DIDN'T LEAVE THE RESTAURANT.

HBO TV NEWS: MORE WEINERS ON THE SHOW CALLED LEFTOVERS.

WHAT'S THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF TIME FOR SEX?

Answer is 30 minutes with foreplay to completion. The average time is 21 min. According to real life couples.

Shelly – 20 minutes

Emily – 23 minutes

Ruthie – 45 minutes

A LISTENER WROTE TO DAVE TO ASK WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT NIPPLE HAIR? IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SHAVE IT OR WAX IT OFF – LAZER OR TWEEZE IT OFF!

MOVIES THIS WEEKEND: #1 CARS 3, #2 WONDER WOMAN, #3 ALL EYES ON ME #4 THE MUMMY

SHELLY'S NEWS TEASE: LONDON VAN CRASHES INTO MOSQUE KILLING PEOPLE. PARIS – SAME THING.

SHELLY'S NEWS: VAN CRASHED INTO COPS IN PARIS. VAN IN LONDON. FIRE IN … NAVY SHIP CRASHED INTO JAPANESE SHIP. COSBY JURY MISSTRIAL. WILL RETRY. TRUMP ISN'T UNDER INVESTIGATION ACCORDING TO HIS ATTY. SAN DIEGO SOCCER STADIUM?

CHAINSAW SPORTS: WNBA PLAYER SCORES MOST POINTS OF ALL TIME.

 

Jamped – past tense of jumped

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Jun 16, 2017

SHELLY'S HIP

DAVE GOT AN EMAIL FROM LISTENER MARLENE WHO'S LIVID THAT HER EX-HUSBAND IS COMING TO HER sons GRADUATION AND DINNER AFTERWARDS. HER SON INVITED HIM, BUT SHE'S LIVID BECAUSE THE DAD HASN'T BEEN THERE THE ENTIRE TIME. SHE'S NOT SURE SHE CAN BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM. SHOULD SHE SUCK IT UP AND GO ALONG WITH IT OR NOT GO OR COMPROMISE AND NOT GO TO THE DINNER.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: US OPEN, BLIMP CRASH YESTERAY – CAUGHT FIRE WHEN IT CRASH LANDED.

 

LEARNED A NEW WORD in chainsaw sports today...: FESCUE – TALL GRASS ON THE GOLF COURSE at the u.s. open. ON FATHER'S DAY

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL GAME – DEMS WON. ESCAPED INMATES HAVE BEEN CAPTURED AFTER A TEN MILE CAR CHASE & TAKEN ALIVE. PENTAGON SENDING 4,000 MORE TROOPS TO AFGHANISTAN. HEAT WAVE IN SAN DIEGO INTO NEXT WEEK. DALAI LAMA AT UCSD TODAY. YOKO ONO GETTING CREDIT AS CO-WRITER OF IMAGINATION WITH JOHN LENNON.

 

MOST EMBARASSING DAD STORY WINS A FOUR PACK OF TICKETS TO KNOTT'S BERRY FARM!

***GREG**** WINNER**** – WHEN HE WAS 13, HIS DAD WALKED IN ON HIM JACKING AND HE STARTED CRYING BECAUSE DAD SCARED HIM. DAD LAUGHED AND LEFT THE ROOM. MOM SAID TO DAD – YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING DOWN THERE!******

RANDY'S DAD TOLD HIM TO STOP SELF-PLEASURING HIMSELD AND THAT WAS THE MOST EMBARASSING THING. SAID IT WOULD HELP HIM BE A BETTER ATHLETE!

DAD SHOWED UP AT THE CLUB AND HAD THEM ANNOUNCE HIS GIRLFRIEND'S NAME – YANNI -AND TOLD HER IT WAS TIME TO GO HOME.

DOUG - DAD FARTED LOUDLY DURING A FOOTBALL GAME ON THE ALUMINUM BLEACHERS.

STEVEN – DAD GOT CAUGHT EMBEZZLING FROM A BANK DOWNTOWN. HIS NAME & PIC MADE THE PAPER, SO HE AND HIS SIBLINGS WERE MADE FUN OF AT SCHOOL.

"DAVE'S NEW BAND NAME: GREG CRIES WHEN HE BEATS OFF"

NANCY – WENT TO THE BEACH WITH FRIENDS. A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL PUT A SHIRT ON OVER HER WET SWIM SUIT AND DAD SAID – YOU'RE FAUCETS ARE LEAKING.

KEN – DAD MADE A CORNBALL JOKE

JESSICA – SHE WAS ON "KIDS TELL DIRTY JOKES" WHEN SHE WAS 6 YRS OLD. WHAT DO YOU CALL A LESBIAN DINOSAUR? SHELLY GOT IT RIGHT SO SHE DIDN'T WIN A PRIZE. A TEACHER WAS STANDING NEXT TO HER WHILE THIS HAPPENED AND TOLD HER TO GO PRAY.

NATHAN – DAD HAD SURGERY CUT OPEN LEG FROM HIP TO ANKLE. NO BLADDER CONTROL AFTER THAT. DAD PEED AT NATHAN'S WEDDING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

RUDY – IN FIRST GRADE HE GOT HAIRCUTS IN TJ. DAD BOUGHT HIM CHEAP SHOES AND THEY CAME APART. HIS DAD SEE'S HIM AND HELPS OUT WITH DUCT TAPE. THEY FLIP FLOPPED AFTER ABOUT A WEEK. GOT CALLED THE FLIP FLOP BOY.

DENNIS – GOT MARRIED – HAD A SURPRISE BACHELOR PARTY. HIS DAD WAS THERE WATCHING PORN WITH HIM TEASING HIM ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH HIS NEW WIFE.

MAKING FUN OF A DUDE SPEED WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL – TURNED OUT TO BE HIS DAD!

HAVEN – CAMPING BY THE RIVER (COLD WATER). HE MET A GIRL AND THEY TOOK A SWIM. OFFERED HER A SODA AND HAD TO WALK PAST DAD – WHO PANTS HIM IN FRONT OF THE GIRL WHO SAW HIS SHRINKAGE. DAD SHOOK UP THE SODA'S SO IT WENT IN HIS FACE.

Chainsaw sports:

SAM THE COOKING GUY: ROASTED CORN SALAD RECIPE:

SHELLY'S NEWS: ESCAPED CONVICTS WERE CAPTURED. TROOPS HEADING TO AFGHANISTAN. CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL GAME LAST NIGHT WHERE THE DEMS WON. OREGON WILL ALLOW NON SPECIFIC GENDER ON YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE: M,F OR X. STEVE HARVEY LOVES CLEV CAVS & TALKED TO A LISTENER IN FLINT MI. TOLD HIM TO ENJOY HIS NICE BROWN WATER. THE MAYOR OF FLINT WANTS HARVEY TO APOLOGIZE. HEAT WAVE IN SAN DIEGO COUNTY THIS WEEKEND. CAREFUL WITH FIRE!

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Jun 15, 2017

CORRINNE IS SPEAKING OUT ABOUT HER INCIDENT ON BACHELOR IN PARADISE. SHE SAYS SHE'S A VICTIM. SHE DOESN'T RECALL EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED BUT KNOWS IT WAS BAD. GOT A HIGH POWERED ATTY GROUP TO SEEK JUSTICE. PROBABLY HEADED TO COURT. DEMARIO ALSO LAWYERED UP.

BILL COSBY DELIBERATION CONTINUES TODAY.

LATE ACTOR ROD STEIGER NEVER PLAYED A ROMANTIC LEAD OR A HAPPY GUY. ALWAYS A TOUGH GUY, A COP OR ON THE VERGE OF BREAKDOWN.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: 5th grader offered scholarship

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: BASEBALL GAME TONIGHT WITH CONGRESSMEN IN DC. QUALCOMM STADIUM NAMING RIGHTS END THIS YEAR – 20TH YEAR (ORIGINALLY PAID $18 MILLION FOR 20 YEARS). DOUBLE THE RISK OF EARLY DEATH IF YOU EAT FRIED POTATOES TWICE A WEEK.

CHARGERS ARE GONE NOW. THEY'RE OFFICIALLY MOVING OUT OF SAN DIEGO TODAY.

SHELLY'S HONEY BEE GAME: WIN KNOTT'S BERRY FARM TICKETS! LISTENER ERIN – (((LOST)))

Q1: HOW MUCH HONEY DOES ONE BEE MAKE IN ITS LIFE? A: ONE CUP SAYS SHELLY – WHICH IS WRONG

REAL ANSWER Q1: ONE BEE MAKES 1/12 OF A TEASPOON IN IT LIFETIME.

Q2: HOW MANY EGGS CAN ONE QUEEN BEE LAY IN ONE DAY? A2: SHELLY SAYS 1,000

Q2 REAL ANSWER: UP 2,500 EGGS IN ONE DAY

Q3: WHAT SHAPE DO BEE'S CREATE WITH THEIR HONEYCOMB? A: SHELLY SAYS HEXAGON

REAL ANSWER Q3: SHELLY'S RIGHT!!

Q4: HOW MANY TIMES DOES A HONEY BEE FL5tAP ITS WING PER SECOND? A4: SHELLY SAYS 50.

REAL ANSWER Q4: 200 TIMES A SECOND!

Q5: WHY DO MALE HONEYBEE'S HAVE DADDY ISSUES? A: QUEEN BEE IS THE MOM

REAL ANSWER Q5: NO MALE HONEY BEE'S HAVE A FATHER!

****WE BLAME SARA FOR THE LISTENER'S NOT KNOWING IT'S THE 100.7 DAYS OF SUMMER!***

SCOTT PELLY QUIT CBS NEWS. SAID THEY WEREN'T TREATING HIM VERY WELL. SO HE'S GOING FULL TIME WITH 60 MINUTES.

CHRIS BOYER HAD AN AGENT WHEN HE WAS A KID FOR COMMERCIALS. ALTHOUGHT THERE'S NO VIDEO TO PROVE IT.

MEGYN KELLY IS GETTING CRAP ABOUT HER NEW SHOW. HER PUTIN INTERVIEW BOMBED AND NOW SHE'S TALKING TO ALEX JONES ABOUT HIS KOOKY CONSPIRICIES I.E. SANDY HOOK WAS FAKED BY ACTORS, 9-11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB. SHOULD SHE INTERVIEW HIM OR NOT?

SOCKS WITH SANDALS? YES OR NO? poll on our website

SHELLY'S NEWS: COSBY TRIAL – DEADLOCKED JURY, BUT JUDGE TOLD THEM TO TRY AGAIN. SHOOTING AT UPS CENTER IN SF. FLINT WATER QUALITY CASE. MONEY SURPLUS OF $7 BILLION IN SD COUNTY. QUALCOM NAME IS UP AFTER 20 YEARS. NOW WHAT?

 

MEGAN KELLY INTERVIEW DRAMA – WE DON’T THINK ALEX JONES SHOULD GET THE AIR TIME..WELL EXCEPT BOYER

EVERYTHING GOOD KILLS YOU, FRENCH FRIES CAN CAUSE EARLY DEATH

BATMAN SIGN WILL BE IN LA TONIGHT!!

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Jun 14, 2017

OUR LISTENERS HAD A FIELD DAY ON FACEBOOK ABOUT THE CENSORSHIP OF A STUDENT PIC IN HIS YEARBOOK. IT SAID TRUMP –MAGA AND IT WAS DELETED. SHOULD THE KID GET ANY MONEY OR NOT. BOYER SAYS PAY UP, THE TEAM SAYS HE'S GETS NOTHING.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: TIGER WOOD BOUGHT OUT THE WHOLE WING OF REHAB CENTER SO HE COULD ATTEND WITHOUT OTHER DOPER'S!

((ALAS, THERE'S NO SONG ABOUT RANDY SO DAVE HAS NOTHING FOR HIS INTRO.)) TICKETS TO KNOTTS BERRY FARM

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: CONGRESSMEN PLAYING BASEBALL FOR CHARITY GOT SHOT AT THIS MORNING IN VA. FIVE PEOPLE SHOT DURING THE PRACTICE. DEADLY HIGH RISE FIRE IN LONDON LAST NIGHT. NORTH KOREA RELEASED THE AMERICAN STUDENT WHO IS IN A COMA. SELF-DRIVING CARS IN CHULA VISTA COULD BE A REALITY. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: $100 GC FROM BOOT WORLD.

(((7:05 AM DAVE CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO BED EARLY TONIGHT!))) HE WAS UP TIL MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT. HIS WIFE TOOK HIS BELT TO CATCH A DOG ON THE LOOSE. SHE WAS IN A PARTY DRESS AND WEDGES CHASING AFTER A LOST DOG. ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: PHIL MICKELSON IS SKIPPING FIRST DAY OF THE U.S. OPEN TO ATTEND HIS DAUGHTER'S HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION IN WISCONSIN.

GAME: PRIZE = FOUR PACK OF TICKETS TO KNOTT'S BERRY FARM FOR ONE LISTENER TODAY! ONE QUESTION GOES TO EACH CREW MEMBER. WINNER GETS THE TICKETS! LISTENER CHOOSES ONE OF THE TEAM. $5 QUIZ MONEY TOO.

Q: WHAT IS THE OLDEST LIVING THING ON EARTH AND HOW OLD IS IT?

A: ACCORDING TO BBC: A TREE = BRISTLE CONE PINE TREE = 5067 YEARS OLD

SHELLY – JOY ((SEQUOIA TREES – 100,000 YEARS)))

BOYER – HEATHER (((TREE – 740 YEARS ))))

RUTH – DAVID ((( FISH – 1 MILLION YEARS OLD))

*****WINNER****CHAINSAW – DAVID ((( REDWOOD TREE – 2,000 ))))) ((2520 YRS OLD FOR REAL))

EMILY - STEVEN ((( SEA SPONGE – 6,000 YRS OLD )))

CHAINSAW SPORTS: LOTS OF HOME RUNS THIS YEAR – EVEN THE PADRES! ((STEROIDS)))

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Jun 13, 2017

CONSTIPATED DUDE GETS COLON CLEANED OUT WITH 30 LBS OF CRAP IN IT. THIS IS WHAT DISTRACTED DAVE FROM READING ABOUT THE COBSY TRIAL.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS WIN THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP 2017! KEVIN DURANT NAMED MVP!

RANDYS NEWS TEASE: ATTY GENERAL JEFF SESSIONS TESTIFIES TODAY. COSBY HAD A 6 MINUTE DEFENSE AND THE JURY IS NOW DELIBERATING THE VERDICT. WHAT WILL THE JURY SAY? BACHELOR IN PARADISE HAD TO HALT PRODUCTION BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE HAVING SEX IN THE POOL. CORRINE WAS TOO DRUNK TO GIVE SEXUAL CONSENT TO DEMARIO IN THE POOL. SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT IT. EVERYONE ON THE SHOW WAS SENT HOME. CORRINE SAYS SHE COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN CONSENT – JUST LIKE THE COSBY TRIAL. YORKIE HORDER WENT TO TRIAL. HAD TO TURN OVER THEIR RV. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: BUSH TICKETS AT CAL COAST OPEN AIR THEATER!

STUDENT WAS CENSORED IN HIS YEARBOOK PIC WHEN THEY DELETED A TRUMP LOGO FROM HIS SHIRT. THE SCHOOL ISN'T TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR DOING IT. DO WE GIVE THE KID MONEY? DO WE SUE THE SCHOOL? WHAT DO WE DO FOR THE KID? THE TEAM WAS SPLIT.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

THE BIG BOYER THEORY GAME: PLAYING FOR A LISTENER TO WIN TIX TO KNOTT'S BERRY FARM. BOYER HAS A TON OF CRACKPOT THEORY SO WE TEST THEM ON THE SHOW. SHELLY HAS 20 SECONDS TO NAME AS MANY NAMES AS POSSIBLE ON BOYER "NINNY NATION LIST." SHELLY LOST FOR THE LISTENER.

CONTINUED WITH STUDENTS' SHIRT CENSORED IN YEAR BOOK. FREE SPEECH – CONSTITUTION – BOYER WAS WRONG.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: DENNIS RODMAN IS IN NORTH KOREA TODAY AND AN AMERICAN COLLEGE STUDENT WAS RELEASED!

NEWS TEASE: ICE CREAM RECALL AT TRADER JOE'S. DAVE TALKED ABOUT THE AWFUL ICE CREAM HIS FATHER MADE HIM BUY BUTTER BRICKLE. FAKE ROCK NEWS INVOLVING SPINAL TAP.

SHELLY'S NEWS: JEFF SESSIONS, COSBY, FREE MICROCHIP FOR DOGS SINCE MANY RUN AWAY OVER THE FOURTH OF JULY FROM THE FIREWORKS. ICE CREAM RECALL GREEN TEA MACHA AT TRADER JOE'S. TOP LIST OF RICHEST ENTERTAINERS: #1 DIDDY #2 BEYONCE #3 JK ROWLING

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Jun 12, 2017

OVERLAP TV WATCHING CONFLICT BETWEEN NHL AND THE TONY AWARDS. PLENTY OF BABIES CRYING ABOUT IT ON TWITTER.

DEATH CZAR SAYS ADAM WEST IS IN. DIED AT 84. THEN BOYER TRIED TO KILL GLENN CAMPBELL.

SHELLY JUDGED A HONEY CONTEST AT THE SAN DIEGO FAIR AND FOUND ONE INCREDIBLE BLUE RIBBON PRIZE WINNER. SHE HAD TO GET CARTED IN AND OUT OF THE FAIRGROUNDS DUE TO HER HIP WHICH WILL BE REMOVED VERY SOON.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: LAST NIGHT: NHL WINNER – PENGUINS TWO YEARS IN A ROW. TONIGHT GAME 5 IN THE NBA FINALS CAVS VS WARRIORS IN OAKLAND. PADRES LOST AGAIN.

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: MELANIA AND BARON ARE NOW LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE. PUERTO RICO VOTED TO BECOME THE 51ST STATE OF AMERICA. $447 MILLION LOTTO POWERBALL WENT TO ONE PERSON IN MINAFEE, CA. KATY PERRY AND TAYLOR SWIFT HAVE MADE PEACE! FRIDAY NIGHT AT DISNEYLAND – DURING MAIN STREET ELECTRIAL PARADE POOPED ON A HUGE GROUP OF PEOPLE.

NATIONAL EQUALITY MARCH AND THE RESISTANCE WAS HELD THIS WEEKEND. LGBTQ COMMUNITY WANTS TO KEEP THEIR RIGHTS DESPITE WHAT TRUMP & CO WANT TO RESCIND THEM.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: RAPHAEL NADAHL WON THE OPEN TEN TIMES IN A ROW. WON GRAND SLAM 15 TIMES.

THE KARDASHIANS SPENT $440,000 ON THEIR LAST VACATION. HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND?

LAST WEEK WE HAD THE MOM WHO TAUGHT HER BABY HOW TO AVOID SNAKES BY LETTING ONE BITE HER BABY. ONLY BOYER THINKS IT'S A GOOD IDEA. SHE'S BEEN OFFICIALLY CHARGED WITH CHILD ABUSE!! THE MOM WON'T RELEASE HER NAME BUT STICKS BY HER GUNS. BOYER CONTINUES TO DEFEND HER.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

LISTENER MAIL: BOYER'S AN IDIOT. DAVE'S GROOMING HABIT HE FORGOT TO DO AGAIN – STILL WON'T TELL US. ADAM WEST -

SHELLY'S NEWS: SOCCEER CITY SAN DIEGO STILL BEING DISCUSSED. VOTE IN ONE WEEK FOR CITY COUNCIL. PART TWO: TONY AWARDS – HELLO DOLLY WITH BETTE MIDLER, KEVIN KLINE BOTH WON. Flock of geese crapped on a group of people at disneyland. WONDER WOMAN KILLED AT THE BOX OFFICE AGAIN.

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