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Jun 5, 2017

Worse off than me, Telephone game, Would you rather lose your phone or your car?  Bad times at the Doctor, What's the harm in letting dishes sit in the sink?  Do you need to buy something if you stop to pee?  Boyer vs. The Team.

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Jun 2, 2017

(((SD County Fair opens today at 4pm.

DAVE ASKED SHELLY TO SPELL CHIHUAHUA AND HALLELEJUH. THE MOST MISSPELLED WORDS BY STATE ACCORDING TO PORN HUB; PORN, LESBIAN, THREESOME, AMATEUR, HENTI. THE NEW SPELLING BEE CHAMP IS A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL FROM FRESNO. A SECURITY GUARD GOT FIRED FROM NASCO SHIP YARD FROM FOR HANDING OUT TOILET PAPER WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP'S FACE ON IT.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

SCOTT PELLY IS OUT SO WE ASKED OUR FACEBOOK LISTENERS'

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: TRUMP PULLING OUT OF THE PARIS CLIMATE ACCORD. THE MAYOR OF PITTSBURGH IS OUTRAGED OVER IT. SAN DIEGO COUNTY FAIR IN DEL MAR OPENS TODAY AT 4PM. NEW FOOD TO TRY. KATHY GRIFFIN LAWYERING UP TODAY WITH LISA BLOOM IN A NEWS CONFERENCE TO EXPLAIN HER REAL REASONS FOR DOING THE BEHEADED TRUMP STUNT. SEAN PENN HAD AN INCIDENT ON A PLANE WITH A PASSENGER WHO DIDN'T LIKE HIM. THE AIRLINE REWARDED PENN & DAUGHTER.

DISNEYLAND RESORT 4-PACK FOR A LISTENER WHO WINS THE DISNEYLAND TRIVIA GAME. LISTENER NICK HAS A 3 AND 5 YEAR OLD, SO WE'RE HOPING HE WINS!

HOW MUCH DID IT COST TO BUILD DISNEYLAND IN 1954? SHELL SAYS $1.5 MILLION. SHE WAS LOW. IT COSTS $17 MILLION

MAXIMUM CAPACITY OF DISNEYLAND? SHELL SAYS 15,000 PEOPLE. IT ACTUALLY HOLDS 80,000

HOW MANY ATTRACTIONS DID DISNEYLAND HAVE ON OPENING DAY? SHELL: 25 ANSWER IS 18!

LISTENER NICK WINS!!

BONUS QUESTIONS: HOW TALL IS SLEEPING BEAUTY'S CASTLE? SHELLY SAID 300 FEET. ANSWER: 77 FEET TALL

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

WHADDA YA HATE? DAVE HATES THAT SHELLY DOESN'T LIKE JOURNEY. REBECCA HATES NOT GETTING CUSTODAY OF HER KIDS DESPITE SPENDING $50,000. TOOK MEDS THAT SHUT DOWN HIS LIVER AND KIDNEY. STEPPED ON DOG POO IN THE YARD IN BARE FEET. HE DIDN'T THINK OF THE PETSTORE TRICK BEFORE HE TOOK HIS KIDS TO THE REAL ZOO. PUT IN 4 CATHERER'S IN ONE DAY.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THE MYSTERY GROOMING STEP THAT DAVE MISSED YESTERDAY? WE GUESSED A TON OF THINGS AND STILL CAN'T COME UP WITH IT!

"RUTH'S FURRY TOE KNUCKLES" IS THE NAME OF LISTENER JERRY'S NEW BAND.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

SHELLY'S NEWS: TRUMP PULLING OUT OF PARIS CLIMATE ACCORD. HE'S REPRESENTING PITTSBURGH NOT PARIS. THE MAYOR OF PITTSBURGH OBJECTED TO BEING INCLUDED.

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Jun 1, 2017

AUDIO OF TIGER WOODS SAYING THE ALPHABET IS PRICELESS. ((NOW WE HAVE HIM SAYING OUR CALL LETTERS AND ALSO DSC!!)))

CHAINSAW SPORTS: NBA FINALS BEGIN TONIGHT ON ABC BTWN CLEVELAND CAVALIERS & GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS. STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS LAST NIGHT. PITTSBURGH PENGUINS BEAT THE NASHVILLE PREDATORS NOW AHEAD 2-0 IN THE SERIES. NY METS PUPPET FLIPS OFF THE CROWD.

RUTH AND CHAIN HAVE A $5 BET

MASCOTS FLIPPING THE BIRD AND TODD RUNNING OFF MIDINTERVIEW – CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: TRUMP TO ANNOUNCE HE'S PULLING THE U-S OUT OF THE PARIS ACCORDS ON CLIMATE CHANGE. NORTH COUNTY PASTOR CHARGED WITH CHILD MOLESTATION. FIDGET SPINNERS CAN KILL YOUR CHILD! NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: TICKETS TO SEE THE GENE SIMMONS BAND AT HARRAH'S

4-PACK OF DISNEYLAND RESORT TICKETS TO LISTENER FOR DISNEYLAND TRIVIA GAME. LISTENER ASHLEY WON!!

KATHY GRIFFIN BACKLASH CONTINUES. DO WE FORGIVE HER OR NOT? WE ASKED ON FB AND LISTENER'S WEREN'T HAVING IT. SHE LOST SQUATTY POTTY SPONSOR AND A CASINO IN ABQ CANCELLED HER APPEARANCE THERE.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

 

TEQUILA IS THIS SUMMER'S HOT WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

 

THE MOST MISSPELLED WORDS STATE BY STATE. SOME OF THE WERE SUPER HARD, WHILE OTHERS WERE SUPER EASY. KABARAGOYA – IS A GIANT LIZARD

 

SARA WAS ABOUT TO MENTION – FIDGET SPINNER LADY LET HER PATENT LAPSE, SO SHE'S MAKING JACK SQUAT ON THIS EMPIRE

 

WHAT WOULD YOU LICK FOR $20?

A DOLLAR BILL FROM THE CONVENIENT STORE – ONLY RUTH WOULD DO IT

YOUR BEST FRIENDS FOOT – ONLY RUTH & BOYER WOULDN'T DO IT

RANDOM DOG – ONLY SHELLY AND RUTH

STRANGER'S PHONE SCREEN – NO ONE

UNDERWEAR AT A STORE – DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE TRIED IT ON

BOTTOM OF MY SHOE – ONLY EMILY

TOAD – BOYER WILL

FLOOR OF A MCDONALDS – NONE

DEAD FISH – NO WAY

STRANGER'S EAR BUDS – NOOOOOOO

STRANGER'S ARM PIT – NO ONE

DAVE HAS NEW MUSIC FROM FOO FIGHTERS!

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

NEWSCAST: KATHY GRIFFIN

 BEST THING SAID ALL WEEK: DAVE IS DONE WITH THE BACHELORETTE

WORST THING SAID ALL WEEK: LUCAS WILL BE THIS GENERATION'S FRANCIS SCOTT KEY

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May 31, 2017

SCOTT PELLY IS OUT AT CBS NEWS! HE'LL STILL WORK AT 60 MINUTES, BUT WHO WILL BE HIS REPLACEMENT? JEFF GLOR? DAVE RECALLED WHEN HE STARTED A MORNING NEWS SHOWS YEARS AGO THAT ONLY LASTED A WEEK OR SO.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

RANDY NEWS TEASE: DUDE DOWNTOWN FIRING SHOTS IN THE AIR. KATHY GRIFFIN POSED FOR A PIC WITH A FAKE SEVERED HEAD OF DONALD TRUMP. SHE APOLOGIZED. MARY JOE LATURNO DIVORCING. #covfefe

HANSON, DEBBIE AND CARL FIRED YESTERDAY FROM KFMB-AM. WE'RE DYING ON THE INSIDE..

KATHY GRIFFIN APOLOGIZED AFTER THE BACKLASH FOR TAKING A PIC OF A BLOODY SEVERED HEAD OF TRUMP. NOT SURE MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE HER THOUGH.

"THE POTTER EATS FROM BROKEN DISHES." BOYER CAME UP WITH THAT WHILE TAKING A DUMP.

DAVE ON CW-TV WITH HEATHER ON THE NEW NEWS STATION WITH SECRET SIGNAL.

CREEPY STUFF SOME MEN DO WITHOUT REALIZING IT:

UNSOLICITED SHOULDER RUBS

TELLING WOMEN THEY SHOULD SMILE

TELLING WOMEN THEY LOOK INNOCENT

TELLING WOMEN THEY'RE GOOD AT GUESSING BRA SIZES

LET ME HELP YOU EAT THAT BANANA

YOU WANT TO PEE ANYWHERE IN HER VICINITY

BOYER GOT A PERFECT SCORE!!

LISTENER TABITHA PLAYS THE DISNEYLAND RESORT GAME TO WIN TICKETS TO DISNEYLAND RESORT – 4 PACK OF TICKETS. SHE HAS TO GET 3 OUT OF 5 RIGHT. SHE WINS!!!

SHELLY GUESSED OUR FREQUENCY IS 100-1-POINT-7!!!

SHELLYS NEWS: CRAZY MAN RUNNING AROUND DOWNTOWN SHOOTING GUNS IN THE AIR. TRUMP PULLED OUT OF THE PARIS CLIMATE ACCORDS WHICH REDUCES GREEN HOUSE EMISSIONS. TRUMP IS WILLING TO RENEGOTIATE IT AT A LATER DATE. KATHY GRIFFIN APOLOGIZES FOR HER IMAGE OF A BLOODY HEAD OF TRUMP. NEW SEA WORLD SHOWS COMING. CELEBRITY DEATH CZAR – FORMER BOND GIRL – MOLLY PETERS, AGE 75 – NO!

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

KOOKED UP TITS IS THE NAME OF DAVE'S NEW BAND.

 

 

BEST THING SAID ALL WEEK: DAVE IS DONE WITH THE BACHELORETTE

WORST THING SAID ALL WEEK: LUCAS WILL BE THIS GENERATION'S FRANCIS SCOTT KEY

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May 30, 2017

GUESTS TODAY: DANA CARVEY WILL BE A HUMPHREY'S ON FRIDAY AND HEATHER MEYERS FOR NEWS 8 ON THE CW STARTING TOMORROW.

CELEBRITY DEATHS: FRANK DEFORD – NO. GREG ALLMAN – YES. MANUEL NORIEGA – YES.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: TIGER WOODS ARRESTED FOR DUI. HE SAYS IT WAS A MIX OF PERSCRIPTION MEDS AND NOT ALCOHOL. UH HUH.

HANSON NEWS TEASE: TIGER WOODS ARRESTED FOR DUI. TIGER'S GIRLFRIEND IMMEDIATELY WENT SHOPPING AT NEIMAN'S SPENDING $5,000. GERMANYSAYS US IS NO LONGER A TRUSTED ALI. BEN STILLER MARRIAGE IS OVER. KIM K AND LORD DISIK STORY TOO. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: DANA CARVEY TICKETS!

WHY WOULD WE PUT THE GUY ACCUSED OF CHEATING IN CHARGE OF THE ONE ACCUSED OF CHEATING?? SAYS LISTENER WILL.

WHY YOU KNOW YOU'RE WEIRD: LISTENER GARRETT SAYS HE HASN'T USED TOILET PAPER IN 30 YEARS BECAUSE HE TAKES A SHOWER AFTER EVERY TIME HE DOES THE BIG JOB. BIDET MIGHT MEAN YOU DON'T NEED TP.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

TALKING TO YOURSELF MEANS YOU'RE HIGH FUNCTIONING?? WAIT, WHAT?

BACHELORETTE: DAVE IS OFF OF IT NOW – NOW THAT RUTH ENJOYED IT!

BEN STILLER DIVORCED – MAYBE BECAUSE HE HAD CANCER.

RYAN SEACREST IS SNITA-LICIOUS! OR IS IT SNIT-URLY? IT'S CLOCK-URLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ALL THE SHOWS RYAN SEACREST HAS TO DO!

DANA CARVEY: SO GOOD!!

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

HEATHER MYERS LIVE IN STUDIO: SHE'S ON THE NEW SHOW: NEWS 8 ON THE CW; MORNING EXTRA starting tomorrow at 7am.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

SHELLY'S NEWS:

May 29, 2017

Reporter took a dump in someone's yard, Penis-measuring game gone wrong, Using someone else's trashcan?  Boyer vs. The Team, How do you know you are strange?  Girl accepts diploma, then immediately leaves.

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May 26, 2017

DAVE RAILED ON BOYER FOR AWHILE (IN A FUN WAY) FOR NOT BEING IN THE STUDIO ON TIME WHEN HE NEEDED HIM. HE KNEW BOYER WOULD BLAME IT ON HIM, WHICH HE DID.

DAVE TUNED IN TO SEE WHAT LEBRON WAS UP TO LAST NIGHT SINCE IT'S NBA PLAYOFF TIME. HANSON TEXTED DAVE A PIC OF SHAQU'S RIGHT FOOT. DISCUSSION ABOUT SHAQ'S MANGLED FOOT, UGLY GIANT BIG TOE, ICKED UP TOENAILS AACCKKK!

DAVE THINKS THE 100.7 DAYS OF SUMMER SHOULD INCLUDE A CONTEST FOR THE WORST FEET/TOES. LISTENERS HAVE TO COME IN AND PARADE THEIR UGLY FEET AND WHOEVER GROSSES OUT RUTH THE MOST – WINS.

WHERE THE WEST IS FUN – FAIR OPENS A WEEK FROM TODAY! BACON WRAPPED BRUSSELS SPROUTS, BACON WRAPPED ASPARGUS, BACON WRAPPED CATCUS, CHICKEN CHARLIE HAS CRISPY CREAME ICE CREAM SANDWICH, PEANUTBUTTER MEATBALLS, FRIED PINEAPPLE, NITRO POPCORN,

FOOD CHOICES FROM SAM THE COOKING GUY: STUFFED TERIAKI BURGER, PORKLOIN

HANSON NEWS TEASE: MONTANA GOP CANDIDATE GIANFORTE WON HANDILY OVER THE DEMOCRAT EVEN AFTER ASSUALTING A REPORTER. JARED KUSHNER GETTING INVESTIGATED. MARIAH CAREY, CHERYL CROW KIDS, NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: VINE AFFAIR TICKETS

WHAT DO YOU HATE? HIDING $1,000 AND NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND IT. HATED THAT HE SNEEZED AND POOPED HIS PANTS AND HAS TO GO HOME, SHOWER & CHANGE NOW. SNEEZE + POOP = SNOOP

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

BOYER VS. THE TEAM: Q – WHAT'S THE ORIGIN OF THE NAME, SHELL OIL? BOYER: SYMBOL OF FAMILY, TEAM – FAMILY NAME, LISTENER SAUL – NO ONE. HE WINS! A: IT WAS A SEA SHELL SELLING COMPANY BEFORE THEY SOLD OIL.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

SAM THE COOKING GUY:

SHELLY'S NEWS:

Chris Boyer, Chris Boyer in the magic hat; you left dave hanging, what up with that.

Shaq should keep his 22s to himself!

Bacon wrapped cactus coming to the where the west is fun – the del mar san diego county

come to me, come to me as quick as a cat

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May 25, 2017

DAVE IS GIVING US THE WORST $5 QUIZ EVER AND WE EVEN HAVE TO HELP HIM WRITE IT! NO CLUE WHAT IT'S ABOUT. DAD OF THE YEAR FOR DIGGING THROUGH A DUMP TO FIND HIS KIDS DISCARDED RETAINER. POLITICIAN FOR CONGRESS IN MONTANA BODY SLAMMED A REPORTER AND BROKE HIS GLASSES.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

HANSON NEWS TEASE: PLAYMATE WENT TO TRIAL FOR BODY SHAMING ANOTHER WOMAN AT HER GYM. JAMIE FOX HAD AN INTERVENTION STAGED BY OPRAH. TRUMP IN ITALY TODAY AND GETTING A STERN TALKING TO BY BRITISH PM TERESA MAY FOR LEAKING CLASSIFIED INTELLIGENCE INFO. JAMES COMEY. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: TIX TO SEE JOE ROGAN.

LIFE'S LESSONS LEARNED THE HARD WAY:

EMILY: YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARNMENT AREN'T THE SAME AS OTHER PEOPLE'S I.E. WHORE, HOOKER

CHAINSAW: DON'T PUT A LID ON THE POT AFTER YOU POUR IN THE OATMEAL BECAUSE IT WILL OVERFLOW ONTO THE STOVE AND MAKE A MESS

SHELLY: DON'T TURN YOUR TOASTER SIDEWAYS TO MAKE BUTTERED, CINNAMON TOAST

BOYER: DON'T USE YOUR OWN THUMB TO HAMMER A PICTURE FRAME WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK.

RUTH: YOU CAN'T FIX OR CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE.

DALE: WANTED TO ADD WATER TO HIS POOL, SO HE DROPPED HIS HOSE IN THE POOL AND LEFT FOR 30+ HOURS – TWICE

$5 Quiz ON STAR WARS: RUTHIE WON!!

SHELLY'S NEWS TEASE: DENIALS OF A CELEBRITY COUPLE, BRUSSELS, MANCHESTER BOMBER

SHELLY'S NEWS:

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May 24, 2017

DAVE & SHELLY HAVE CRITTER ISSUES THIS MORNING. HE HAD TO DECIDED WHETHER TO SWERVE INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC OR DRIVE OVER A FREAKIN' SKUNK! HE SWERVED. SHELLY HAD A SMALL RODENT ON HER PATIO. WHILE THEY WERE IN THE HOT TUB, SHE SAW A WET MOUSE CRAWLING UP THE SIDE. SHELLY WANTED TO FLING IT INTO THE CANYON, BUT DEAN DID NOT. SHELLY DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR HOW HE ACTUALLY GOT RID OF IT.

BATS ARE TAKING OVER OLD CHURCHES IN ENGLAND. THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY'RE ENDANGERED.

SIGN SPOTTED: MONEY THAT'S WET AND SMELLY IS NOT ACCEPTED! IF YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR BRA OR SOCKS – DON'T SPEND IT HERE!

SPIKED ARMOR FOR LITTLE DOGS TO PROTECT THEM FROM COYOTE'S.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

MIKE HANSON NEWS TEASE: MANCHESTER BOMBER DID NOT ACT ALONE. ICE MAN READY TO GO ON TOP GUN 2. VAL KILMER SAYS TOM CRUISE IS A SWEETHEART. DAVID HASSELHOF HAS A CATERPILLER MUSTACHE LIKE CLARK GABLE. HANSON LOVES IT – RUTH HATES IT. DODGE DEMON 840 HP $85k

BOYER COMPLAINING ABOUT WEB NOT PUTTING HIS SIGN UP SHEET FOR RACE WED. IN AN EASY TO FIND SPOT ON THE WEBSITE. WE WENT RIGHT TO IT. BUT BOYER COMPLAINED ANYWAY.

DILEMMA: PLUMBER SPOTS A DILDO SUCTION CUPPEED TO THE SIDE OF A SHOWER STALL, TAKES A PIC OF IT AND POSTS IT ON FACEBOOK. THE OWNER OF SAID DILDO SEE'S THE PIC AND RATS ON HER PLUMBER – WHO GETS FIRED. MORAL OF THE STORY: HIDE YOUR DILDO'S BEFORE ANYONE COMES OVER.

Chainsaw sports:

LIES YOU TELL YOUR CHILDREN:

EMILY TOOK HER KID TO THE PET STORE AND TOLD HIM IT WAS THE ZOO!

TOLD HIS SON HE GOT THE SCAR ON HIS LIP FROM DEFENDING HIS MOM BY FIGHTING OFF A BEAR.

COURTNEY: DIDN'T WANT HER KIDS TO GO TO MCDONALD'S TO PLAY IN THE DIRTY BALL PITS, SO SHE TOLD THEM THEY'RE ONLY FOR POOR KIDS.

DREW: CHUCKIE CHEESE CLOSED DOWN

IF YOU TELL A LIE, A RED DOT WILL APPEAR ON YOUR FOREHEAD.

HIS KID SPOTS ROADSIDE FLOWERS AT A MEMORIAL WHERE SOMEONE DIED IN A CAR CRASH. THE KID ASKED IF THEY BURIED HIM RIGHT THERE.

JOANNE TOLD HER KIDS SHE HAD EYES IN THE BACK OF HER HEAD. BUT SHE HAD MIRRORS EVERY WHERE!

DUDE KILLED HIS KIDS GUINEA PIG BUT REPLACED IT WITH A BIGGER ONE. TOLD HIM HE OVERFED IT

GAVE HIS KIDS ADVICE FROM SOMETHING HE SAW ON THE BRADY BUNCH

SHELLY NEWS TEASE: BOMBERS MOVEMENTS PRIOR TO THE BOMBING, THE PRESIDENT AND THE POPE, PAC HIWAY – LANDSLIDE FOR 30 MILES. MAN SUED HIS DATE FOR TEXTING DURING THE MOVIE AND SHE LEFT THE THEATER. HE FILED FOR $17 IN SMALL CLAIMS COURT BECAUSE IT PISSED HIM OFF.

SHELLY'S NEWS: POPE FRANCIS MET TRUMP. TEACHER TRADES CANDY FOR KISSES IN FL. BILL COSBY CALLS RACISM FOR EXCUSING TWO BLACK WOMEN FROM THE JURY POOL.

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