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Now displaying: June, 2017

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Jun 16, 2017

SHELLY'S HIP

DAVE GOT AN EMAIL FROM LISTENER MARLENE WHO'S LIVID THAT HER EX-HUSBAND IS COMING TO HER sons GRADUATION AND DINNER AFTERWARDS. HER SON INVITED HIM, BUT SHE'S LIVID BECAUSE THE DAD HASN'T BEEN THERE THE ENTIRE TIME. SHE'S NOT SURE SHE CAN BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM. SHOULD SHE SUCK IT UP AND GO ALONG WITH IT OR NOT GO OR COMPROMISE AND NOT GO TO THE DINNER.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: US OPEN, BLIMP CRASH YESTERAY – CAUGHT FIRE WHEN IT CRASH LANDED.

 

LEARNED A NEW WORD in chainsaw sports today...: FESCUE – TALL GRASS ON THE GOLF COURSE at the u.s. open. ON FATHER'S DAY

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL GAME – DEMS WON. ESCAPED INMATES HAVE BEEN CAPTURED AFTER A TEN MILE CAR CHASE & TAKEN ALIVE. PENTAGON SENDING 4,000 MORE TROOPS TO AFGHANISTAN. HEAT WAVE IN SAN DIEGO INTO NEXT WEEK. DALAI LAMA AT UCSD TODAY. YOKO ONO GETTING CREDIT AS CO-WRITER OF IMAGINATION WITH JOHN LENNON.

 

MOST EMBARASSING DAD STORY WINS A FOUR PACK OF TICKETS TO KNOTT'S BERRY FARM!

***GREG**** WINNER**** – WHEN HE WAS 13, HIS DAD WALKED IN ON HIM JACKING AND HE STARTED CRYING BECAUSE DAD SCARED HIM. DAD LAUGHED AND LEFT THE ROOM. MOM SAID TO DAD – YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING DOWN THERE!******

RANDY'S DAD TOLD HIM TO STOP SELF-PLEASURING HIMSELD AND THAT WAS THE MOST EMBARASSING THING. SAID IT WOULD HELP HIM BE A BETTER ATHLETE!

DAD SHOWED UP AT THE CLUB AND HAD THEM ANNOUNCE HIS GIRLFRIEND'S NAME – YANNI -AND TOLD HER IT WAS TIME TO GO HOME.

DOUG - DAD FARTED LOUDLY DURING A FOOTBALL GAME ON THE ALUMINUM BLEACHERS.

STEVEN – DAD GOT CAUGHT EMBEZZLING FROM A BANK DOWNTOWN. HIS NAME & PIC MADE THE PAPER, SO HE AND HIS SIBLINGS WERE MADE FUN OF AT SCHOOL.

"DAVE'S NEW BAND NAME: GREG CRIES WHEN HE BEATS OFF"

NANCY – WENT TO THE BEACH WITH FRIENDS. A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL PUT A SHIRT ON OVER HER WET SWIM SUIT AND DAD SAID – YOU'RE FAUCETS ARE LEAKING.

KEN – DAD MADE A CORNBALL JOKE

JESSICA – SHE WAS ON "KIDS TELL DIRTY JOKES" WHEN SHE WAS 6 YRS OLD. WHAT DO YOU CALL A LESBIAN DINOSAUR? SHELLY GOT IT RIGHT SO SHE DIDN'T WIN A PRIZE. A TEACHER WAS STANDING NEXT TO HER WHILE THIS HAPPENED AND TOLD HER TO GO PRAY.

NATHAN – DAD HAD SURGERY CUT OPEN LEG FROM HIP TO ANKLE. NO BLADDER CONTROL AFTER THAT. DAD PEED AT NATHAN'S WEDDING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

RUDY – IN FIRST GRADE HE GOT HAIRCUTS IN TJ. DAD BOUGHT HIM CHEAP SHOES AND THEY CAME APART. HIS DAD SEE'S HIM AND HELPS OUT WITH DUCT TAPE. THEY FLIP FLOPPED AFTER ABOUT A WEEK. GOT CALLED THE FLIP FLOP BOY.

DENNIS – GOT MARRIED – HAD A SURPRISE BACHELOR PARTY. HIS DAD WAS THERE WATCHING PORN WITH HIM TEASING HIM ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH HIS NEW WIFE.

MAKING FUN OF A DUDE SPEED WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL – TURNED OUT TO BE HIS DAD!

HAVEN – CAMPING BY THE RIVER (COLD WATER). HE MET A GIRL AND THEY TOOK A SWIM. OFFERED HER A SODA AND HAD TO WALK PAST DAD – WHO PANTS HIM IN FRONT OF THE GIRL WHO SAW HIS SHRINKAGE. DAD SHOOK UP THE SODA'S SO IT WENT IN HIS FACE.

Chainsaw sports:

SAM THE COOKING GUY: ROASTED CORN SALAD RECIPE:

SHELLY'S NEWS: ESCAPED CONVICTS WERE CAPTURED. TROOPS HEADING TO AFGHANISTAN. CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL GAME LAST NIGHT WHERE THE DEMS WON. OREGON WILL ALLOW NON SPECIFIC GENDER ON YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE: M,F OR X. STEVE HARVEY LOVES CLEV CAVS & TALKED TO A LISTENER IN FLINT MI. TOLD HIM TO ENJOY HIS NICE BROWN WATER. THE MAYOR OF FLINT WANTS HARVEY TO APOLOGIZE. HEAT WAVE IN SAN DIEGO COUNTY THIS WEEKEND. CAREFUL WITH FIRE!

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Jun 15, 2017

CORRINNE IS SPEAKING OUT ABOUT HER INCIDENT ON BACHELOR IN PARADISE. SHE SAYS SHE'S A VICTIM. SHE DOESN'T RECALL EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED BUT KNOWS IT WAS BAD. GOT A HIGH POWERED ATTY GROUP TO SEEK JUSTICE. PROBABLY HEADED TO COURT. DEMARIO ALSO LAWYERED UP.

BILL COSBY DELIBERATION CONTINUES TODAY.

LATE ACTOR ROD STEIGER NEVER PLAYED A ROMANTIC LEAD OR A HAPPY GUY. ALWAYS A TOUGH GUY, A COP OR ON THE VERGE OF BREAKDOWN.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: 5th grader offered scholarship

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: BASEBALL GAME TONIGHT WITH CONGRESSMEN IN DC. QUALCOMM STADIUM NAMING RIGHTS END THIS YEAR – 20TH YEAR (ORIGINALLY PAID $18 MILLION FOR 20 YEARS). DOUBLE THE RISK OF EARLY DEATH IF YOU EAT FRIED POTATOES TWICE A WEEK.

CHARGERS ARE GONE NOW. THEY'RE OFFICIALLY MOVING OUT OF SAN DIEGO TODAY.

SHELLY'S HONEY BEE GAME: WIN KNOTT'S BERRY FARM TICKETS! LISTENER ERIN – (((LOST)))

Q1: HOW MUCH HONEY DOES ONE BEE MAKE IN ITS LIFE? A: ONE CUP SAYS SHELLY – WHICH IS WRONG

REAL ANSWER Q1: ONE BEE MAKES 1/12 OF A TEASPOON IN IT LIFETIME.

Q2: HOW MANY EGGS CAN ONE QUEEN BEE LAY IN ONE DAY? A2: SHELLY SAYS 1,000

Q2 REAL ANSWER: UP 2,500 EGGS IN ONE DAY

Q3: WHAT SHAPE DO BEE'S CREATE WITH THEIR HONEYCOMB? A: SHELLY SAYS HEXAGON

REAL ANSWER Q3: SHELLY'S RIGHT!!

Q4: HOW MANY TIMES DOES A HONEY BEE FL5tAP ITS WING PER SECOND? A4: SHELLY SAYS 50.

REAL ANSWER Q4: 200 TIMES A SECOND!

Q5: WHY DO MALE HONEYBEE'S HAVE DADDY ISSUES? A: QUEEN BEE IS THE MOM

REAL ANSWER Q5: NO MALE HONEY BEE'S HAVE A FATHER!

****WE BLAME SARA FOR THE LISTENER'S NOT KNOWING IT'S THE 100.7 DAYS OF SUMMER!***

SCOTT PELLY QUIT CBS NEWS. SAID THEY WEREN'T TREATING HIM VERY WELL. SO HE'S GOING FULL TIME WITH 60 MINUTES.

CHRIS BOYER HAD AN AGENT WHEN HE WAS A KID FOR COMMERCIALS. ALTHOUGHT THERE'S NO VIDEO TO PROVE IT.

MEGYN KELLY IS GETTING CRAP ABOUT HER NEW SHOW. HER PUTIN INTERVIEW BOMBED AND NOW SHE'S TALKING TO ALEX JONES ABOUT HIS KOOKY CONSPIRICIES I.E. SANDY HOOK WAS FAKED BY ACTORS, 9-11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB. SHOULD SHE INTERVIEW HIM OR NOT?

SOCKS WITH SANDALS? YES OR NO? poll on our website

SHELLY'S NEWS: COSBY TRIAL – DEADLOCKED JURY, BUT JUDGE TOLD THEM TO TRY AGAIN. SHOOTING AT UPS CENTER IN SF. FLINT WATER QUALITY CASE. MONEY SURPLUS OF $7 BILLION IN SD COUNTY. QUALCOM NAME IS UP AFTER 20 YEARS. NOW WHAT?

 

MEGAN KELLY INTERVIEW DRAMA – WE DON’T THINK ALEX JONES SHOULD GET THE AIR TIME..WELL EXCEPT BOYER

EVERYTHING GOOD KILLS YOU, FRENCH FRIES CAN CAUSE EARLY DEATH

BATMAN SIGN WILL BE IN LA TONIGHT!!

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Jun 14, 2017

OUR LISTENERS HAD A FIELD DAY ON FACEBOOK ABOUT THE CENSORSHIP OF A STUDENT PIC IN HIS YEARBOOK. IT SAID TRUMP –MAGA AND IT WAS DELETED. SHOULD THE KID GET ANY MONEY OR NOT. BOYER SAYS PAY UP, THE TEAM SAYS HE'S GETS NOTHING.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: TIGER WOOD BOUGHT OUT THE WHOLE WING OF REHAB CENTER SO HE COULD ATTEND WITHOUT OTHER DOPER'S!

((ALAS, THERE'S NO SONG ABOUT RANDY SO DAVE HAS NOTHING FOR HIS INTRO.)) TICKETS TO KNOTTS BERRY FARM

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: CONGRESSMEN PLAYING BASEBALL FOR CHARITY GOT SHOT AT THIS MORNING IN VA. FIVE PEOPLE SHOT DURING THE PRACTICE. DEADLY HIGH RISE FIRE IN LONDON LAST NIGHT. NORTH KOREA RELEASED THE AMERICAN STUDENT WHO IS IN A COMA. SELF-DRIVING CARS IN CHULA VISTA COULD BE A REALITY. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: $100 GC FROM BOOT WORLD.

(((7:05 AM DAVE CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO BED EARLY TONIGHT!))) HE WAS UP TIL MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT. HIS WIFE TOOK HIS BELT TO CATCH A DOG ON THE LOOSE. SHE WAS IN A PARTY DRESS AND WEDGES CHASING AFTER A LOST DOG. ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: PHIL MICKELSON IS SKIPPING FIRST DAY OF THE U.S. OPEN TO ATTEND HIS DAUGHTER'S HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION IN WISCONSIN.

GAME: PRIZE = FOUR PACK OF TICKETS TO KNOTT'S BERRY FARM FOR ONE LISTENER TODAY! ONE QUESTION GOES TO EACH CREW MEMBER. WINNER GETS THE TICKETS! LISTENER CHOOSES ONE OF THE TEAM. $5 QUIZ MONEY TOO.

Q: WHAT IS THE OLDEST LIVING THING ON EARTH AND HOW OLD IS IT?

A: ACCORDING TO BBC: A TREE = BRISTLE CONE PINE TREE = 5067 YEARS OLD

SHELLY – JOY ((SEQUOIA TREES – 100,000 YEARS)))

BOYER – HEATHER (((TREE – 740 YEARS ))))

RUTH – DAVID ((( FISH – 1 MILLION YEARS OLD))

*****WINNER****CHAINSAW – DAVID ((( REDWOOD TREE – 2,000 ))))) ((2520 YRS OLD FOR REAL))

EMILY - STEVEN ((( SEA SPONGE – 6,000 YRS OLD )))

CHAINSAW SPORTS: LOTS OF HOME RUNS THIS YEAR – EVEN THE PADRES! ((STEROIDS)))

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Jun 13, 2017

CONSTIPATED DUDE GETS COLON CLEANED OUT WITH 30 LBS OF CRAP IN IT. THIS IS WHAT DISTRACTED DAVE FROM READING ABOUT THE COBSY TRIAL.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS WIN THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP 2017! KEVIN DURANT NAMED MVP!

RANDYS NEWS TEASE: ATTY GENERAL JEFF SESSIONS TESTIFIES TODAY. COSBY HAD A 6 MINUTE DEFENSE AND THE JURY IS NOW DELIBERATING THE VERDICT. WHAT WILL THE JURY SAY? BACHELOR IN PARADISE HAD TO HALT PRODUCTION BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE HAVING SEX IN THE POOL. CORRINE WAS TOO DRUNK TO GIVE SEXUAL CONSENT TO DEMARIO IN THE POOL. SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT IT. EVERYONE ON THE SHOW WAS SENT HOME. CORRINE SAYS SHE COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN CONSENT – JUST LIKE THE COSBY TRIAL. YORKIE HORDER WENT TO TRIAL. HAD TO TURN OVER THEIR RV. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: BUSH TICKETS AT CAL COAST OPEN AIR THEATER!

STUDENT WAS CENSORED IN HIS YEARBOOK PIC WHEN THEY DELETED A TRUMP LOGO FROM HIS SHIRT. THE SCHOOL ISN'T TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR DOING IT. DO WE GIVE THE KID MONEY? DO WE SUE THE SCHOOL? WHAT DO WE DO FOR THE KID? THE TEAM WAS SPLIT.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

THE BIG BOYER THEORY GAME: PLAYING FOR A LISTENER TO WIN TIX TO KNOTT'S BERRY FARM. BOYER HAS A TON OF CRACKPOT THEORY SO WE TEST THEM ON THE SHOW. SHELLY HAS 20 SECONDS TO NAME AS MANY NAMES AS POSSIBLE ON BOYER "NINNY NATION LIST." SHELLY LOST FOR THE LISTENER.

CONTINUED WITH STUDENTS' SHIRT CENSORED IN YEAR BOOK. FREE SPEECH – CONSTITUTION – BOYER WAS WRONG.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: DENNIS RODMAN IS IN NORTH KOREA TODAY AND AN AMERICAN COLLEGE STUDENT WAS RELEASED!

NEWS TEASE: ICE CREAM RECALL AT TRADER JOE'S. DAVE TALKED ABOUT THE AWFUL ICE CREAM HIS FATHER MADE HIM BUY BUTTER BRICKLE. FAKE ROCK NEWS INVOLVING SPINAL TAP.

SHELLY'S NEWS: JEFF SESSIONS, COSBY, FREE MICROCHIP FOR DOGS SINCE MANY RUN AWAY OVER THE FOURTH OF JULY FROM THE FIREWORKS. ICE CREAM RECALL GREEN TEA MACHA AT TRADER JOE'S. TOP LIST OF RICHEST ENTERTAINERS: #1 DIDDY #2 BEYONCE #3 JK ROWLING

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Jun 12, 2017

OVERLAP TV WATCHING CONFLICT BETWEEN NHL AND THE TONY AWARDS. PLENTY OF BABIES CRYING ABOUT IT ON TWITTER.

DEATH CZAR SAYS ADAM WEST IS IN. DIED AT 84. THEN BOYER TRIED TO KILL GLENN CAMPBELL.

SHELLY JUDGED A HONEY CONTEST AT THE SAN DIEGO FAIR AND FOUND ONE INCREDIBLE BLUE RIBBON PRIZE WINNER. SHE HAD TO GET CARTED IN AND OUT OF THE FAIRGROUNDS DUE TO HER HIP WHICH WILL BE REMOVED VERY SOON.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: LAST NIGHT: NHL WINNER – PENGUINS TWO YEARS IN A ROW. TONIGHT GAME 5 IN THE NBA FINALS CAVS VS WARRIORS IN OAKLAND. PADRES LOST AGAIN.

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: MELANIA AND BARON ARE NOW LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE. PUERTO RICO VOTED TO BECOME THE 51ST STATE OF AMERICA. $447 MILLION LOTTO POWERBALL WENT TO ONE PERSON IN MINAFEE, CA. KATY PERRY AND TAYLOR SWIFT HAVE MADE PEACE! FRIDAY NIGHT AT DISNEYLAND – DURING MAIN STREET ELECTRIAL PARADE POOPED ON A HUGE GROUP OF PEOPLE.

NATIONAL EQUALITY MARCH AND THE RESISTANCE WAS HELD THIS WEEKEND. LGBTQ COMMUNITY WANTS TO KEEP THEIR RIGHTS DESPITE WHAT TRUMP & CO WANT TO RESCIND THEM.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: RAPHAEL NADAHL WON THE OPEN TEN TIMES IN A ROW. WON GRAND SLAM 15 TIMES.

THE KARDASHIANS SPENT $440,000 ON THEIR LAST VACATION. HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND?

LAST WEEK WE HAD THE MOM WHO TAUGHT HER BABY HOW TO AVOID SNAKES BY LETTING ONE BITE HER BABY. ONLY BOYER THINKS IT'S A GOOD IDEA. SHE'S BEEN OFFICIALLY CHARGED WITH CHILD ABUSE!! THE MOM WON'T RELEASE HER NAME BUT STICKS BY HER GUNS. BOYER CONTINUES TO DEFEND HER.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

LISTENER MAIL: BOYER'S AN IDIOT. DAVE'S GROOMING HABIT HE FORGOT TO DO AGAIN – STILL WON'T TELL US. ADAM WEST -

SHELLY'S NEWS: SOCCEER CITY SAN DIEGO STILL BEING DISCUSSED. VOTE IN ONE WEEK FOR CITY COUNCIL. PART TWO: TONY AWARDS – HELLO DOLLY WITH BETTE MIDLER, KEVIN KLINE BOTH WON. Flock of geese crapped on a group of people at disneyland. WONDER WOMAN KILLED AT THE BOX OFFICE AGAIN.

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Jun 9, 2017

KESHA SOUNDS LIKE THE BACON-DOG AT THE END OF THE CLIP WHERE SEINFELD SNUBS HER HUG.

GUY SMASHING HIS HEAD INTO THE ICE AND PUNCHING HIM AT THE HOCKEY GAME LAST NIGHT. NOT EVEN A CLOSE GAME, BUT GREAT BECAUSE OF LOTS OF FIGHTING.

SCOTT PELLY WILL LEAVE CBS NEWS AS THE MAIN ANCHOR NEXT WEEK. BUT HE'S STAYING ON 60 MINUTES. ANTHONY MASON WILL FILL IN. BRENT BAIER, ANDERSON COOPER, LEE COWAN, WILLIE GEIST, JEFF GLOR, SAVANNA GUTHRIE, NORA O'DONNEL, BILL O'REILY. BRIAN WILLIAMS.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: NBA FINALS, NHL FINALS, PADRES BASEBALL. FORMER AZTEC HOOPS COACH STEVE FISHER NOW HAS AN AWARD NAMED AFTER HIM.

DAVE'S FAVORITE RACE HORSE: HORSEY-MCHORSE-FACE!

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: COMEY TESTIMONY YESTERDAY – YES RUSSIANS TRIED TO INTERFERE WITH OUR ELECTION. JOHN MCCAIN GOT CONFUSED ASKING QUESTIONS. UK ELECTION YESTERDAY WHERE TERESA MAY LOST AND NOW WANTS TO FORM A MINORITY GOVT SO SHE'S ASKING THE QUEEN FOR PERMISSION. WTH? SHARK SIGHTING AT IMPERIAL BEACH/CORONADO SILVER STRAND. POT PIZZA – NEVER AGAIN SAYS DAVE. POT PIZZA NOW AVAILABLE IN MASS. WITH A PERSCRIPTION.

DAVE'S HISTORY CORNER: PRESIDENT LINCOLN WAS SHOT NEAR THE END OF THE CIVIL WAR. THE PRISONER EXCHANGE WAS STOPPED AND JOHN WILKES BOOTH DIDN’T LIKE THAT. HE ORIGINALLY INTENDED TO KIDNAP LINCOLN UNTIL THE PRISONER EXCHANGE WAS STARTED UP AGAIN. BUT WHEN LINCOLN SAID BLACK MEN WOULD GET THE RIGHT TO VOTE AFTER THE WAR, BOOTH SAID F-THAT AND CHANGED HIS MIND AND SHOT HIM DEAD INSTEAD. GRANT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE THEATER THAT SAME NIGHT, BUT LINCOLN AND GRANT'S WIVES HATED EACH OTHER, SO GENERAL GRANT WAS SAVED!

CHAINSAW SPORTS: *** KEEP FOR BEST OF***A PEEK BEHIND THE SCENES AT SHELLY DUNN'S HOUSE WATCHING THE NHL FINALS. *** KEEP FOR BEST OF***

POPEYE'S CHICKEN NOW HAS COOKIE DOUGH FRIED CHICKEN WHICH MUST BE TRIED!

U2 TICKETS TO THE WINNER OF RUTH'S BANG MARK. A FEW DOZEN ENTERIES NARROWED DOWN TO 5 FOR THE CREW TO CHOOSE THE FINAL TATTOO.

RUTH'S BANG MARK CONTEST: DSC CREW VOTES FOR THE FIVE FINALISTS POSTED ON THE WEB PAGE. AND THE WINNER IS: WENT TO A TIE BREAKER WITH A TEN LISTENER POLL TO DECIDE:

STORIES OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE TO WORK FOR THEIR MONEY. I.E. RICH KIDS

GUY IN A CLUB RIPPED UP $10 BILLS YELING - THIS MEANS NOTHING TO ME

ROOMIE GAVE HIM $20 FOR CHORES LIKE MAKING HIS BED

LIVES ON AN ISLAND WITH FRESH WATER. ASKED NOT TO USE CITY WATER IN THE DORMS

AT CAMP, SOME KIDS WERE TOLD TO LEAVE. WE WERE HERE FIRST THEY SAID. RICH KID SAYS, YEAH BUT DOES YOUR DAD HAVE A HELICOPTER?

DROP $50 GRAND AT A MUSIC FESTIVAL IN A WEEKEND.

KID NEVER RODE IN A LIMO AND THE RICK KID SAYS, HAVEN'T YOU EVER GONE TO THE AIRPORT?

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

 

 

I believe popeyes gets 6 thumbs up for their cookie chicken. Everyone looked so happy and satisfied, then sad when their plates were empty.

Jessica alba not so honest after all.

It was a close race between pugger decker and ballsy snake, with the Mike Pence of the 10lp casting the deciding vote – awarding Pete our final pair of U2 tix – Sara will have a pair and you can text to win all weekend long.

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Jun 8, 2017

A REPORTER ASKED THE PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND: WHAT'S THE NAUGHIEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE? THEY'RE STEALING DAVE'S BIT! "RUNNING THROUGH THE WHEAT FIELDS." THAT'S HOW NOT TO PLAY "NAUGHTY GIRLS." DAVE WILL GIVE AWAY U2 TICKETS TODAY WHEN WE PLAY NAUGHTY GIRLS. DAVE ASKED SHELLY, HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU WERE 18?

CONTEST: RUTH'S BANG MARK FOR U2 TICKETS ON FRIDAY.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

JUPITER IS SURROUNDED BY RADIATION THAT CAUSES RADIO STATIC.

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: FIRED DIRECTOR JAMES COMEY TESTIFIES TO CONGRESS TODAY. COSBY TRIAL CONTINUES. WAR OF THE ROSES IS A NATIONAL SYNDICATED BIT WITH ACTORS. FAKE FAKE FAKE.

THE KESHA ARMY HATES SEINFELD AND PLANS TO RUIN HIS CAREER.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

BOYER vs. The TEAM: WHY ARE COP UNIFORMS BLUE? TEAM ANSWER: LEFTOVER FROM THE UNION ARMY IN CIVIL WAR TIMES – BLUE. BOYER ANSWER: MAKES THEM BLEND IN AND SNEAK AROUND. LISTENER: JERRY WENT WITH NO ONE GOT IT RIGHT! THE TEAM WINS!!

DAVE'S WEIRDO FRIEND WENT TO EAT MEXICAN WITH HIM YESTERDAY. HE ORDERED A HORCHATA WITHOUT A STRAW BECAUSE IT HEATS UP THE DRINK. A STRAW REDUCES THE COLDNESS OF THE DRINK.

NAUGHTY GIRLS FOR U-2 TICKETS

AMBER: HAD SEX IN THE SHRUBBERY AND SHE KICKED HIM IN THE FACE, KNOCKED HIM OUT, BLOODIED HIS NOSE. MARRIED HIM.

JESSICA: HAD SEX AT

THE "ROAR AND SNORE" IN A TENT AT THE SAFARI PARK – PUMA STYLE

JENNIFER – FIRST HUSBAND INTO 3 AND 4-SOMES WHICH WAS FUN AT THE TIME, BUT NOW SHE'S MORMON.

******WINNER***AMANDA – MET A HOT MARINE FROM ONLINE DATING INTO GOLDEN SHOWERS. PEED INSIDE OF HER – GOT AN INFECTION. THEN GOT WEIRDER WANTED A ROMAN SHOWER. HE WAS SO HOT SHE HAD TO TRY IT!*********

CHRISTY: MET A MARRIED GUY ON TINDER WHO WAS A DOMINANT & MET HIM IN A TRAILER BEHIND A HOUSE. SPANKED HER WITH SILICONE PADDLE, CHAINED HER UP WITH A COLLAR INC FEET. A FRIEND CAME IN THE ROOM TO WATCH THEM. HAD SEX WITH BOTH OF THEM.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: pregnant women, careful with too many kegels, it'll tighten up that pelvic floor, making it tougher to birth a 13 pounder

ROUND 2 OF NAUGHTY GIRLS:

STRIPPER WHO MET LOTS OF FAMOUS GUYS. WENT ON A STRIPPER CAMPING TRIP MET A GUY WITH A SWASTIKA ON HIS JUNK.

TIFFANY: WENT TO THE PARK AFTER HOURS, COP TOLD THEM TO LEAVE – TWO DIFFERENT PLACES

SHELLY'S NEWS: COMEY TESTIFYING ABOUT RUSSIA, TRUMP, ETC. DRINK SPECIALS IN D.C. WITH ALL TV'S SHOWING THE TESTIMONY. UK CORBIN UPSET. COSBY TRIAL. PRETEND SPENDING THE POWERBALL MONEY IS ONE OF SHELLY'S HOBBY.

 

Shelly is a lotto player, but should she win, she's not sharing a mill with Boyer. Because we're children, we asked Boyer if he had a magic wand to award Shelly the winning lotto ticket, would he? Twice he said no. Chris, you've had some time to think about it – the magic lotto wand is in your hand, Shelly is sitting right there in front of you – all you have to do is give a little wave? Are you doing it so she can win the $435 million jackpot, even though she won't give you a single cent?

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Jun 7, 2017

EDIBLE ANAL BELGIAN CHOCOLATES. YOU CAN POSE FOR A MOLD OF ANYONE YOU WANT.

DAVE'S NEW BAND = "RUTH WANTS TO EAT BOYERS CHOCOLATE BUTT HOLE"

CHAINSAW SPORTS: NBA FINALS BACK ON TONIGHT. HOCKEY FINALS CONTINUE TOMORROW NIGHT

RANDY'S NEWS TEASE: ANOTHER VICTIM FOUND IN THE LONDON ATTACK. US ATTY GENERAL JEFF SESSIONS MAY STEP DOWN. BILL COSBY TRIAL CONTINUES. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: BRIAN SETZER, ROCKABILLY BAND

KESHA TRIED TO HUG SEINFELD ON A RED CARPET WHILE HE WAS BEING INTERVIEWED. SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD HUG HIM AND HE SAID NO THANK YOU – TWICE. SHE ASKED AGAIN AND HE STEPPED BACK TO SHOW HER HE DIDN'T WANT TO HUG HER. SHE GOT EMBARRASSED AND SLINKED AWAY. HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE WAS. HAPPEDED TO RUTH A BUNCH OF TIMES – PEOPLE WITH NO BOUNDARIES.

DAVE HAD TO PEE, GOT DENIED WHEN THE RESTROOM WAS FULL. SLINKED AWAY EMBARASSED.

EMILY IS HIDING A DAUGHTER FROM US. EMILY & FAMILY WERE OUT TO EAT AND APPROACHED BY SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT HER SON COLT WAS A LITTLE GIRL AND WANTED TO CAST HER IN A COMMERCIAL. EMILY WAS OKAY WITH HER SON PLAYING THE ROLE OF A GIRL, WHILE HER HUB DEFINITELY WAS NOT. EVEN FOR $35,000????

Chainsaw is a special occasion hugger.

REV. DAVE LOOKING FOR THE SIN SINNEST SINNER OF THEM ALL FOR U2 TICKETS.

STEVEN: TOLD A GUY TO LEAVE HIS JOB SO HE COULD TAKE IT.

JENNIFER: BOUGHT A NEW MATTRESS & TORE THE TAGS OFF.

HANK HILL: SOLD A CUSTOMER AN EMPTY PROPANE TANK

STEVE: THREW A HANDFULL OF TACKS ON A CHURCH PEW BEFORE A GUY SAT DOWN. HE WAS ONLY 13 AT THE TIME, BUT HE HATED THE DUDE WHO YELPED AND JUMPED UP.

KEVIN: DISCONNECTED

******WINNER********* MIKE: WHEN HE GOT DIVORCED, HIS WIFE HOOKED UP WITH A YOUNG, ITALIAN GUY. THEY WERE STILL LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE. SHE TOOK HIM TO HAWAII FOR 2 WEEKS. WHEN SHE RETURNED SHE WAS PLAYING A GUITAR & HE SERENADED HER. HE WAS SMOKING A LOT OF WEED AT THE TIME. SO HE GOT HIGH AND PISSED IN HER GUITAR.**************************************************************

EDDIE: THE CHIN BALL LOAD LOOSENER: HAD A CUTE GF WHO WORKED IN A DENTAL OFFICE. SHE SAID A YOUNG DENTIST KEPT HITTING ON HER. HE WANTED TO BEAT HIM UP. INSTEAD HE GOT A 5 LB BUCKET AND POURED THE BLUE STUFF FROM PORTA POTTIES ON THE GUYS PORCHE.

ELAINE: SMACHED WINDSHIELD AND HEADLIGHT OF HIS CAR

VEE: REPLACED OREO FILLING WITH TOOTHPASTE, THEN GOT ON THE DSC TO LIE ABOUT IT

NICK: SOME GUY ONLINE IS OFFERING METALLICA TICKETS FOR NUDE PICS. SO HE SENT HIM PICS OF MEN AND THEN OLD LADIES. HE DIDN'T WIN TICKETS – HAD TO BUY THEM.

DAN: STICKY THROATED NUT BUSTER: GOT THROWN OUT OF BAR FOR BEING DRUNK. WENT TO A DUCK POND, GOT A DUCK AND THREW IT INTO THE BAR AND RAN AWAY.

BOB: JOCKEY TUGGING FART PUFFER: WHEN HE WAS YOUNG HE TOOK A DRIVER FROM HIS DAD'S GOLF BAG. TOOK A BIG SWING OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE AND THE HEAD OF THE DRIVER HIT THE NEIGHBOR'S WINDOW. PUT IT BACK AND HOPED DAD WOULDN'T NOTICE.

BRIAN: GOEY EYED FACIAL FAVORER, HE WORKED WITH A CUBS FAN WHO WANTED A CUBS STICKER FOR HIS CAR. HE MADE IT WITH REFLECTIVE TAPE SO AT NIGHT IT SAID, CUBS SUCK.

SHAWN: TIED THE ROBE BELTS TOGETHER FOR THE ALTER BOYS SO HE COULD SLIP AWAY FROM THEM AND MEET A CUTE GIRL.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: A-ROD IS BEING EXTORTED FOR CASH FROM AN EX-FLING. SHE'S ASKED FOR MONEY OVER THE YEARS, BUT HE ALWAYS SAID NO. SHE ASKED AGAIN WHEN HE STARTED WITH J-LO. HE SAID NO HE WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE. SO SHE UPPED THE ANTY FOR BIGGER BUCKS. A-ROD AIN'T GOING FOR IT.

WE MIGHT BE THE ONLY MORNING SHOW WITH NO INK.

 

DAVE HAD TO PEE, GOT DENIED WHEN THE RESTROOM WAS FULL. SLINKED AWAY EMBARASSED.

 

Chainsaw is a special occasion hugger.

 

DAVE IS A FAN OF PLAYOFF BASKETBALL, SO HE IS SET TONIGHT FOR MORE ACTION.

 

DAVE'S NEW BAND = "RUTH WANTS TO EAT BOYERS CHOCOLATE BUTT HOLE"

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Jun 6, 2017

U2 IS COMING TO SAN DIEGO IN SEPTEMBER & DAVE HAS TICKETS ALL WEEK LONG! SHELLY SAW THEM IN 1992! WHICH SHEMP DID SHE TAKE TO THE SHOW? SHE HAD NO ONE TO GO WITH SO SHE TOOK A WOMAN LISTENER WITH HER.

BEST THING SAID ALL WEEK ACCORDING TO DAVE: ((((DID YOU TAKE DICK BARF-TON? ASKED BOYER.))))

DAVE STOOD UP FOR KATHY GRIFFIN LAST WEEK. BUT THAT WAS BEFORE SHE CRIED ON TV WITH GLORIA ALLRED'S LAWYER DAUGHTER LISA BLOOM, CLAIMING TRUMP BULLIED HER. SHE TOOK ON THE VICTIM ROLE BIGTIME. SHE REFUSED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER PART IN THE STUNT. JUST BLAMED IN ALL ON TRUMP.

BILL MAHAR DROPPED THE N-WORD ON PURPOSE, BUT APOLOGIZED. SO FAR HE STUCK WITH IT.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: NBA FINALS – 2-0 WARRIORS, NHL FINALS IS TIED 2-2

Randy's news tease: HIGH TECH GADETS, HARVARD REJECTIONS FOR BEING IN A HATE-FILLED FACEBOOK GROUP. SAFESTEST CITIES IN SAN DIEGO COUNTY.

5$ QUIZ: (((WE SUCKED AT IT!))) U2 SONGS FOR LISTENER MONICA FROM SHELLY FOR U2 TICKETS IN SAN DIEGO IN SEPT.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

EMILY'S TRAFFIC: SHE INVENTED A NEW TERM: CRACKSIDENT

TOP TV SPORTS SONGS: #1 NBA on NBC by John Tesh

KEVIN NEALON: PHONER. HE'S CURRENTLY ON THE CBS SHOW, MAN WITH A PLAN, AS MATT LEBLANC'S BROTHER.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

WABOOM GUY GOT KICKED OFF ((YAAAY!!!!))) THE BACHELORETTE. DAVE TWEETED THAT HE'S OFF THE SHOW – AGAIN. "DEADER" NOW

NEWS TEASE AND NEWS: TERRORIST ATTACK IN PARIS FRANCE AT NOTRE DAME. BILL COSBY – DAY 2 OF HIS RAPE TRIAL. GEORGE CLOONEY TWINS HAVE ARRIVED – ALEXANDER AND ELLA.

TRUMP IS TEARING THE BAND, JOURNEY, APART! SAFEST CITY IN SAN DIEGO COUNTY IS POWAY.

Chainsaw sports:

STANDINGS IN THE $5 QUIZ CONTEST: RUTHIE STILL IN FIRST PLACE! BUT SHELLY MOVED OUT OF THE BASEMENT WITH TODAY'S WIN!

FANS OF DISNEY'S CARS – LIGHTNING MCQUEEN AND THE NEW CAR FROM CARS 3 – JACKSON STORM ARE AT BELMONT PARK – TODAY (TIL 5PM) AND TOMORROW 11-4P. THANKS TO OUR FRIENDS AT ALLIED FOR TIPPING US OFF TO THAT FUN FREE FAMILY EVENT

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