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Now displaying: May, 2017

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May 31, 2017

SCOTT PELLY IS OUT AT CBS NEWS! HE'LL STILL WORK AT 60 MINUTES, BUT WHO WILL BE HIS REPLACEMENT? JEFF GLOR? DAVE RECALLED WHEN HE STARTED A MORNING NEWS SHOWS YEARS AGO THAT ONLY LASTED A WEEK OR SO.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

RANDY NEWS TEASE: DUDE DOWNTOWN FIRING SHOTS IN THE AIR. KATHY GRIFFIN POSED FOR A PIC WITH A FAKE SEVERED HEAD OF DONALD TRUMP. SHE APOLOGIZED. MARY JOE LATURNO DIVORCING. #covfefe

HANSON, DEBBIE AND CARL FIRED YESTERDAY FROM KFMB-AM. WE'RE DYING ON THE INSIDE..

KATHY GRIFFIN APOLOGIZED AFTER THE BACKLASH FOR TAKING A PIC OF A BLOODY SEVERED HEAD OF TRUMP. NOT SURE MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE HER THOUGH.

"THE POTTER EATS FROM BROKEN DISHES." BOYER CAME UP WITH THAT WHILE TAKING A DUMP.

DAVE ON CW-TV WITH HEATHER ON THE NEW NEWS STATION WITH SECRET SIGNAL.

CREEPY STUFF SOME MEN DO WITHOUT REALIZING IT:

UNSOLICITED SHOULDER RUBS

TELLING WOMEN THEY SHOULD SMILE

TELLING WOMEN THEY LOOK INNOCENT

TELLING WOMEN THEY'RE GOOD AT GUESSING BRA SIZES

LET ME HELP YOU EAT THAT BANANA

YOU WANT TO PEE ANYWHERE IN HER VICINITY

BOYER GOT A PERFECT SCORE!!

LISTENER TABITHA PLAYS THE DISNEYLAND RESORT GAME TO WIN TICKETS TO DISNEYLAND RESORT – 4 PACK OF TICKETS. SHE HAS TO GET 3 OUT OF 5 RIGHT. SHE WINS!!!

SHELLY GUESSED OUR FREQUENCY IS 100-1-POINT-7!!!

SHELLYS NEWS: CRAZY MAN RUNNING AROUND DOWNTOWN SHOOTING GUNS IN THE AIR. TRUMP PULLED OUT OF THE PARIS CLIMATE ACCORDS WHICH REDUCES GREEN HOUSE EMISSIONS. TRUMP IS WILLING TO RENEGOTIATE IT AT A LATER DATE. KATHY GRIFFIN APOLOGIZES FOR HER IMAGE OF A BLOODY HEAD OF TRUMP. NEW SEA WORLD SHOWS COMING. CELEBRITY DEATH CZAR – FORMER BOND GIRL – MOLLY PETERS, AGE 75 – NO!

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

KOOKED UP TITS IS THE NAME OF DAVE'S NEW BAND.

 

 

BEST THING SAID ALL WEEK: DAVE IS DONE WITH THE BACHELORETTE

WORST THING SAID ALL WEEK: LUCAS WILL BE THIS GENERATION'S FRANCIS SCOTT KEY

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May 30, 2017

GUESTS TODAY: DANA CARVEY WILL BE A HUMPHREY'S ON FRIDAY AND HEATHER MEYERS FOR NEWS 8 ON THE CW STARTING TOMORROW.

CELEBRITY DEATHS: FRANK DEFORD – NO. GREG ALLMAN – YES. MANUEL NORIEGA – YES.

CHAINSAW SPORTS: TIGER WOODS ARRESTED FOR DUI. HE SAYS IT WAS A MIX OF PERSCRIPTION MEDS AND NOT ALCOHOL. UH HUH.

HANSON NEWS TEASE: TIGER WOODS ARRESTED FOR DUI. TIGER'S GIRLFRIEND IMMEDIATELY WENT SHOPPING AT NEIMAN'S SPENDING $5,000. GERMANYSAYS US IS NO LONGER A TRUSTED ALI. BEN STILLER MARRIAGE IS OVER. KIM K AND LORD DISIK STORY TOO. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: DANA CARVEY TICKETS!

WHY WOULD WE PUT THE GUY ACCUSED OF CHEATING IN CHARGE OF THE ONE ACCUSED OF CHEATING?? SAYS LISTENER WILL.

WHY YOU KNOW YOU'RE WEIRD: LISTENER GARRETT SAYS HE HASN'T USED TOILET PAPER IN 30 YEARS BECAUSE HE TAKES A SHOWER AFTER EVERY TIME HE DOES THE BIG JOB. BIDET MIGHT MEAN YOU DON'T NEED TP.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

TALKING TO YOURSELF MEANS YOU'RE HIGH FUNCTIONING?? WAIT, WHAT?

BACHELORETTE: DAVE IS OFF OF IT NOW – NOW THAT RUTH ENJOYED IT!

BEN STILLER DIVORCED – MAYBE BECAUSE HE HAD CANCER.

RYAN SEACREST IS SNITA-LICIOUS! OR IS IT SNIT-URLY? IT'S CLOCK-URLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ALL THE SHOWS RYAN SEACREST HAS TO DO!

DANA CARVEY: SO GOOD!!

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

HEATHER MYERS LIVE IN STUDIO: SHE'S ON THE NEW SHOW: NEWS 8 ON THE CW; MORNING EXTRA starting tomorrow at 7am.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

SHELLY'S NEWS:

May 29, 2017

Reporter took a dump in someone's yard, Penis-measuring game gone wrong, Using someone else's trashcan?  Boyer vs. The Team, How do you know you are strange?  Girl accepts diploma, then immediately leaves.

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May 26, 2017

DAVE RAILED ON BOYER FOR AWHILE (IN A FUN WAY) FOR NOT BEING IN THE STUDIO ON TIME WHEN HE NEEDED HIM. HE KNEW BOYER WOULD BLAME IT ON HIM, WHICH HE DID.

DAVE TUNED IN TO SEE WHAT LEBRON WAS UP TO LAST NIGHT SINCE IT'S NBA PLAYOFF TIME. HANSON TEXTED DAVE A PIC OF SHAQU'S RIGHT FOOT. DISCUSSION ABOUT SHAQ'S MANGLED FOOT, UGLY GIANT BIG TOE, ICKED UP TOENAILS AACCKKK!

DAVE THINKS THE 100.7 DAYS OF SUMMER SHOULD INCLUDE A CONTEST FOR THE WORST FEET/TOES. LISTENERS HAVE TO COME IN AND PARADE THEIR UGLY FEET AND WHOEVER GROSSES OUT RUTH THE MOST – WINS.

WHERE THE WEST IS FUN – FAIR OPENS A WEEK FROM TODAY! BACON WRAPPED BRUSSELS SPROUTS, BACON WRAPPED ASPARGUS, BACON WRAPPED CATCUS, CHICKEN CHARLIE HAS CRISPY CREAME ICE CREAM SANDWICH, PEANUTBUTTER MEATBALLS, FRIED PINEAPPLE, NITRO POPCORN,

FOOD CHOICES FROM SAM THE COOKING GUY: STUFFED TERIAKI BURGER, PORKLOIN

HANSON NEWS TEASE: MONTANA GOP CANDIDATE GIANFORTE WON HANDILY OVER THE DEMOCRAT EVEN AFTER ASSUALTING A REPORTER. JARED KUSHNER GETTING INVESTIGATED. MARIAH CAREY, CHERYL CROW KIDS, NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: VINE AFFAIR TICKETS

WHAT DO YOU HATE? HIDING $1,000 AND NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND IT. HATED THAT HE SNEEZED AND POOPED HIS PANTS AND HAS TO GO HOME, SHOWER & CHANGE NOW. SNEEZE + POOP = SNOOP

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

BOYER VS. THE TEAM: Q – WHAT'S THE ORIGIN OF THE NAME, SHELL OIL? BOYER: SYMBOL OF FAMILY, TEAM – FAMILY NAME, LISTENER SAUL – NO ONE. HE WINS! A: IT WAS A SEA SHELL SELLING COMPANY BEFORE THEY SOLD OIL.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

SAM THE COOKING GUY:

SHELLY'S NEWS:

Chris Boyer, Chris Boyer in the magic hat; you left dave hanging, what up with that.

Shaq should keep his 22s to himself!

Bacon wrapped cactus coming to the where the west is fun – the del mar san diego county

come to me, come to me as quick as a cat

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May 25, 2017

DAVE IS GIVING US THE WORST $5 QUIZ EVER AND WE EVEN HAVE TO HELP HIM WRITE IT! NO CLUE WHAT IT'S ABOUT. DAD OF THE YEAR FOR DIGGING THROUGH A DUMP TO FIND HIS KIDS DISCARDED RETAINER. POLITICIAN FOR CONGRESS IN MONTANA BODY SLAMMED A REPORTER AND BROKE HIS GLASSES.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

HANSON NEWS TEASE: PLAYMATE WENT TO TRIAL FOR BODY SHAMING ANOTHER WOMAN AT HER GYM. JAMIE FOX HAD AN INTERVENTION STAGED BY OPRAH. TRUMP IN ITALY TODAY AND GETTING A STERN TALKING TO BY BRITISH PM TERESA MAY FOR LEAKING CLASSIFIED INTELLIGENCE INFO. JAMES COMEY. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: TIX TO SEE JOE ROGAN.

LIFE'S LESSONS LEARNED THE HARD WAY:

EMILY: YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARNMENT AREN'T THE SAME AS OTHER PEOPLE'S I.E. WHORE, HOOKER

CHAINSAW: DON'T PUT A LID ON THE POT AFTER YOU POUR IN THE OATMEAL BECAUSE IT WILL OVERFLOW ONTO THE STOVE AND MAKE A MESS

SHELLY: DON'T TURN YOUR TOASTER SIDEWAYS TO MAKE BUTTERED, CINNAMON TOAST

BOYER: DON'T USE YOUR OWN THUMB TO HAMMER A PICTURE FRAME WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK.

RUTH: YOU CAN'T FIX OR CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE.

DALE: WANTED TO ADD WATER TO HIS POOL, SO HE DROPPED HIS HOSE IN THE POOL AND LEFT FOR 30+ HOURS – TWICE

$5 Quiz ON STAR WARS: RUTHIE WON!!

SHELLY'S NEWS TEASE: DENIALS OF A CELEBRITY COUPLE, BRUSSELS, MANCHESTER BOMBER

SHELLY'S NEWS:

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May 24, 2017

DAVE & SHELLY HAVE CRITTER ISSUES THIS MORNING. HE HAD TO DECIDED WHETHER TO SWERVE INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC OR DRIVE OVER A FREAKIN' SKUNK! HE SWERVED. SHELLY HAD A SMALL RODENT ON HER PATIO. WHILE THEY WERE IN THE HOT TUB, SHE SAW A WET MOUSE CRAWLING UP THE SIDE. SHELLY WANTED TO FLING IT INTO THE CANYON, BUT DEAN DID NOT. SHELLY DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR HOW HE ACTUALLY GOT RID OF IT.

BATS ARE TAKING OVER OLD CHURCHES IN ENGLAND. THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY'RE ENDANGERED.

SIGN SPOTTED: MONEY THAT'S WET AND SMELLY IS NOT ACCEPTED! IF YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR BRA OR SOCKS – DON'T SPEND IT HERE!

SPIKED ARMOR FOR LITTLE DOGS TO PROTECT THEM FROM COYOTE'S.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

MIKE HANSON NEWS TEASE: MANCHESTER BOMBER DID NOT ACT ALONE. ICE MAN READY TO GO ON TOP GUN 2. VAL KILMER SAYS TOM CRUISE IS A SWEETHEART. DAVID HASSELHOF HAS A CATERPILLER MUSTACHE LIKE CLARK GABLE. HANSON LOVES IT – RUTH HATES IT. DODGE DEMON 840 HP $85k

BOYER COMPLAINING ABOUT WEB NOT PUTTING HIS SIGN UP SHEET FOR RACE WED. IN AN EASY TO FIND SPOT ON THE WEBSITE. WE WENT RIGHT TO IT. BUT BOYER COMPLAINED ANYWAY.

DILEMMA: PLUMBER SPOTS A DILDO SUCTION CUPPEED TO THE SIDE OF A SHOWER STALL, TAKES A PIC OF IT AND POSTS IT ON FACEBOOK. THE OWNER OF SAID DILDO SEE'S THE PIC AND RATS ON HER PLUMBER – WHO GETS FIRED. MORAL OF THE STORY: HIDE YOUR DILDO'S BEFORE ANYONE COMES OVER.

Chainsaw sports:

LIES YOU TELL YOUR CHILDREN:

EMILY TOOK HER KID TO THE PET STORE AND TOLD HIM IT WAS THE ZOO!

TOLD HIS SON HE GOT THE SCAR ON HIS LIP FROM DEFENDING HIS MOM BY FIGHTING OFF A BEAR.

COURTNEY: DIDN'T WANT HER KIDS TO GO TO MCDONALD'S TO PLAY IN THE DIRTY BALL PITS, SO SHE TOLD THEM THEY'RE ONLY FOR POOR KIDS.

DREW: CHUCKIE CHEESE CLOSED DOWN

IF YOU TELL A LIE, A RED DOT WILL APPEAR ON YOUR FOREHEAD.

HIS KID SPOTS ROADSIDE FLOWERS AT A MEMORIAL WHERE SOMEONE DIED IN A CAR CRASH. THE KID ASKED IF THEY BURIED HIM RIGHT THERE.

JOANNE TOLD HER KIDS SHE HAD EYES IN THE BACK OF HER HEAD. BUT SHE HAD MIRRORS EVERY WHERE!

DUDE KILLED HIS KIDS GUINEA PIG BUT REPLACED IT WITH A BIGGER ONE. TOLD HIM HE OVERFED IT

GAVE HIS KIDS ADVICE FROM SOMETHING HE SAW ON THE BRADY BUNCH

SHELLY NEWS TEASE: BOMBERS MOVEMENTS PRIOR TO THE BOMBING, THE PRESIDENT AND THE POPE, PAC HIWAY – LANDSLIDE FOR 30 MILES. MAN SUED HIS DATE FOR TEXTING DURING THE MOVIE AND SHE LEFT THE THEATER. HE FILED FOR $17 IN SMALL CLAIMS COURT BECAUSE IT PISSED HIM OFF.

SHELLY'S NEWS: POPE FRANCIS MET TRUMP. TEACHER TRADES CANDY FOR KISSES IN FL. BILL COSBY CALLS RACISM FOR EXCUSING TWO BLACK WOMEN FROM THE JURY POOL.

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May 23, 2017

DAVE HELD UP A PIECE OF PAPER SO EMILY CAN'T HEAR HIM. HE SAID SHE'S IN NO MOOD. SHE'S SLEEP DEPRIVED FROM STAYING UP LATE WATCHING THE BACHELOR AFTER SHE WENT TO THE MOVIES TO SEE THE NEW PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN MOVIE. DAVE THINKS THE WA-BOOM GUY IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN BACHELOR NATION. UGH! HE LOVES THE CATCH PHRASE WHILE RUTH THINKS IT'S THE WORST.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

MIKE HANSON NEWS TEASE: SIR ROGER MOORE DIED, AGE 89. HE'S IN. ARIANA GRANDE CONCERT BOMBED IN MANCHESTER ENGLAND WITH 22 DEAD AND 59 INJURED. ISIS TAKES RESPONSIBILITY. YOU CAN SEE SMOKE FROM COWLES MOUNTAIN, THE HIGHEST POINT IN SAN DIEGO COUNTY. A HOTEL EMPLOYEE SLEPT WITH ORLANDO BLOOM AND SHE GOT FIRED FOR IT.

SINCE ROGER AILES DIED LAST WEEK -- FOX NEWS LOST TO MSNBC LAST WEEK FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. BACHELOR NATION. DAVE SAW ELLIPTICAL BIKE'S IN SOLANA BEACH AND THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THAT FOR ABOUT A MILE. GOOGLE FIRST EVER CYCLOPS GOAT BORN IN INDIA. FAKE HOMELESS WOMAN GETS CALLED OUT AND GOES VIRAL.

JIM CARREY FEEDS BIRDS WITH HIS MOUTH WHICH GOT HIS FACE AND BEARD IFESTED WITH BUGS!!

DAVE'S WIFE WAS BEING A JERK TO HIM. THEN HE WOKE UP. HE WISELY CHOSE NOT TO TELL HER HOW AWFUL SHE WAS AND WHAT AWFUL THINGS SHE SAID. HE WANTS CONGRATS FOR NOT TELLING HER. HE KEPT THINKING OF HER SAYING AND THINKING THESE AWFUL THINGS ANYWAY. HAVE YOU HAD A BAD DREAM ABOUT SOMEONE AND WOKE UP MAD AT THEM BECAUSE OF IT??

Six Dildo's on a Shelf is the name is the NAME OF DAVE'S NEW BAND.

SHELLY'S NEWS TEASE: RUSSIAN COLLUSION CASE, ENGLAND BOMBING AT ARIANA GRANDE CONCERT, ROGER MOORE DEAD. KILLER NACHOS, BRUSH FIRES,

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May 22, 2017

FAIL #1 THERE WAS A PASTOR WHO WANTED TO EMULATE JESUS WHO COULD REALLY DO SOME GOOD TRICKS. … LIKE WALKING ON WATER. GOT EATEN BY CROCODILES.

FAIL #2 DUDE ON METH TAKES THE LAW INTO HIS OWN HANDS. HATED PORTLAND AND WANTED TO GO BACK TO JAIL SO HE MASTURBATED IN PUBLIC – VIGOROUSLY! EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S NO BETTER PLACE FOR JACKIN IT THAN SAN DIEGO!

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

HANSON NEWS TEASE: TRUMP OVERSEAS – TODAY HE'S AT THE WESTERN WALL. VP PENCE SPOKE AT NOTREDAME – STUDENTS WALKED OUT. CHER GOT THE ICON AWARD & PERFORMED LAST NIGHT AT THE BILLBOARD MUSIC AWARDS AT AGE 71 – WORE THE SAME SKIMPY OUTFIT SHE WORE 25 YEARS AGO AND LOOKED INCREDIBLE. BEST GIANT WIG EVER! DRAKE BROKE RECORDS FOR MOST AWARDS WON IN A NIGHT BY ONE ARTIST AT THE BBMA. GATE FIRE WAS STARTED ON PURPOSE. NEWS QUIZ PRIZE: ROCKIBILLY RIOT WITH BRIAN SETZER.

BILLY BUSH RESURFACED AFTER 7 MONTHS SINCE THE BUS RECORDING OF HE AND TRUMP TALKING ABOUT SEXUALLY ASSUALTING WOMEN BECAUSE HE'S FAMOUS AND BUSH WENT ALONG WITH IT. HE'S BEEN WALKING ON COALS WITH TONY ROBBINS. WHO WILL HIRE HIM??

DAVE: HOW EXCITED ARE YOU EMILY? SHE SAID 1. BECAUSE THE FREAKIN' BACHELOR STARTS TONIGHT.

MOVIE TOP 10, ALIEN COVENANT IS #1 ALIEN IS DAVE'S SCARIEST MOVIE. FOR SHELLY IT'S THE OMEN. RUTHIE IS THE EXORCIST, BOYER IS JAWS, CHAINSAW IS SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, EMILY – It,

BOYER VS THE TEAM: CLAUSTROPHOBIA = FEAR OF HEIGHTS. ANATIDAE-PHOBIA. WE SAID: FEAR OF A BIRD FLYING IN YOUR HAIR. BOYER SAID: FEAR OF BEING CRAPPED ON BY A BIRD. NO ONE GOT IT RIGHT! IT MEANS: FEAR THAT SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW A DUCK IS WATCHING YOU.

CHAINSAW SPORTS:

ANIMAL STORIES: IN JOHANNASBURG, A COUPLE OF GUYS WERE HUNTING WHEN THEY WERE STORMED BY ELEPHANTS. ONE LIFTED THE HUNTER UP WITH HER TRUNK, SO HE SHOT HER DEAD. WHICH MADE HER DROP ON TOP OF THE MAN KILLING HIM. STEVE'S PIT BULL STORY: A STRAY WAS GOING TO BE PUT DOWN BECAUSE IT WAS A PIT BULL. BUT THE HEAD OF THE SHELTER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD POLICE DOG. SO IT'S LIFE WAS SAVED. GOOD OL' LEONARD.

GROCERY STORE CRIMINALS: IS IT OKAY TO TAKE AN ITEM FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S SHOPPING CART? OUR LISTENER WANTED TO BUY HOTDOG BUNS AND SAW A DUDE TAKE THE VERY LAST ONE, SO HE FOLLOWED HIM AND SNATCHED IT OUT OF HIS CART. HE SAYS IT'S NOT STEALING BECAUSE NO ONE HAD PAID FOR IT YET. WRONG WRONG WRONG! OF COURSE BOYER THINKS IT'S JUSTIFIED SO YOU KNOW IT'S WRONG!

SHELLY'S NEWS: GATE FIRE, A BABY SHOWER IS NOW CALLED A PUSH PARTY ACCORDING TO BEYONCE.

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May 19, 2017

WHY ARE HOT CHICKS SO INSECURE? KATE UPTON SAYS SHE FEELS INSECURE IN A BIKINI.

EMILY SHOPPING FOR SHELF PAPER IS STILL THE WORST THING SAID ON THIS SHOW ALL WEEK. HER LIFE WAS BLAH BEFORE THAT. LIFE CHANGING!

LISTENER FRANK: SAID HE WAS HANGING OUT WITH STEVE HARVEY IN VEGAS. HE WOULDN'T POSE WITH HIM FOR A QUICK PIC AFTER HIS DINNER. DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE.

MIKE HANSON NEWS TEASE: STEVE HARVEY BLAH BLAH BLAH. NINA AGDAL BROKE UP WITH LEONARDO DECAPRIO. CHRIS CORNELL WAS TAKING ATAVAN AND ONE OF THE SIDE EFFECTS IS SUICIDAL THINKING. TIMES SQUARE DRIVER CHARGED WITH MURDER. HE WAS HIGH ON K2. ALAN THICKE FAMILY IS SUING HIS WIDOW OR MAYBE VICE VERSA.

END OF THE WORLD: IT'S COMING ON MAY 31ST

RUTHIE IS PRESIDENT AT THE END OF THE WORLD WITH NO ONE ELSE LEFT EXCEPT THE NEW BOB FILNER. WE'D RIG UP SOME POWER TO GET GAS PUMPS TO WORK. TAKE ALL THE FOOD WE WANT FROM STORES.

SAM THE COOKING GUY IS ACTUALLY COOKING FOR US TODAY. HE'S MAKING STEAK IN A TOASTER OVER IN EMILY'S STUDIO ON FACEBOOK LIVE! SUPER DELICIOUS WITH MASHED POTATOES!

WHY DOES RODDD HAVE THREE D'S?

I HATE IT GAME:

ONE IN FOUR WOMEN NO LONGER SHAVE THEIR ARM PITS. ON OUR SHOW IT'S – RUTH. DAVE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DIGITAL KATE, BUT NOPE, BOYER WAS RIGHT WHEN HE GUESSED RUTHIE.

SHELLY DUNN'S HALF BAKED CRACKPOT NEWS: COOL TO START TODAY, BUT WARMER THIS AFTERNOON SAYS HEATHER WEATHER. TRUMP, NYC DRIVERS ON K2 CHARGED WITH MURDER. PART TWO: BEN THE BACHELOR BROKE UP WITH LAUREN, AWWWWW!

HANSON FILLED IN ON DRUMS FOR BOYER WITH CHAINSAW SPORTS!!

WORST THING WE HEAR ALL WEEK: Hold your plates like a record (Monday, 7:20, Boyer) -->Emily's retelling of taking Rico to the Dollar Store for shelf liner became the worst thing.

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May 18, 2017

NONE OF US ON THE DSC CREW WOULD MAKE IT INTO THE DEATH CZAR HALL OF FAME – EXCEPT DAVE – AND THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE HE BEGGED.

SINGER CHRIS CORNELL AND FOX NEWS FOUNDER ROGER AILES BOTH DIED LAST NIGHT AND MADE IT IN.

FIVE GUYS IS NOW THE #1 BURGER IN AMERICA.

$5 QUIZ FAST FOOD: WRITTEN BY ASHLEY, RUTH WINS & RETAINS FIRST PLACE!

FIRST DATE FROM HELL! MAN SUES DATE FOR TEXTING DURING A MOVIE. HE ASKED HER TO LEAVE THE THEATER SO SHE LEFT. SHE DROVE THEM ON THE DATE, SO HE WAS STRANDED AT THE THEATRE. SPLIT JURY AGAIN.

GISELE BUNCHEN NEEDS TO SHUT THE HELL UP. SHE BLABBED THAT HE ALWAYS GETS CONCUSSIONS. ALTHOUGHT HE'S NEVER REPORTED IT WHICH NEEDS TO BE DONE ACCORDING TO NFL RULES. HE COULD BE FINED FOR NOT REPORTING THEM.

12-YEAR OLD KID IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL FOR CALLING ANOTHER KID A C YOU NEXT TUESDAY. THE STEP FATHER HANDLED THE SITUATION AND WONDERS IF HE SHOULD KEEP THE KIDS SECRET OR TELL THE MOM.

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